Pwn'd by old ladies...

When Trusty Pam and I pulled into the lot to register for our big kayak race Sat and I saw all the sleek, narrow, torpedo-like racing kayaks I thought, "Okay, there's a growing likelihood we won't take first." Then when we got shuttled to the starting point and saw it was a mass start for the kayak class, and they wanted us to seed ourselves (in other words, if you're slow, get the eff out of the contender's ways), and all these guys started dragging their little skinny kayaks down to the water to get a good spot, Pam and I said, "Yeah, let's hang out at the back." But I thought, "Yeah, because a come from behind win would be even more sweet. heh heh heh"

Here is some of our competition lining up on the other bank.

The bridge was the starting point. All of a sudden the announcer said, "Okay, the race is starting in 1 minute, so get into position!" and this canoe came by and totally blocked us in (you can click to zoom and see the perpetrators). So when it started we were way back here somewhere still. Not good.

Right from the get go Trusty Pam and I were not exactly looking like the the Olympic rowing team. Our rather short, fat, sit-on-top kayaks literally looked like toys next to all those fast, long, skinny boats. Plus while other racers were decked out in neoprene get-ups, Pam and I sported these rad rubber rain boots. I'm sure between our boats and our boots we had the competition quaking in their spiffy waterproof leggings.

Also, my magic pants didn't wind-up being all that magic after a bunch of lap-fulls of river water (rapids). I could have really used that "This Is Not Pee" t-shirt by then end.

This is my kayak. Pam's is exactly the same but green. They're awesome for the kind of kayaking we normally do-- farting around on the rivers, looking for little rapids and "secret passageways" to check out.

But seeing those at the race made us notice the bottoms of ours, really for the first time as dumb as that sounds. Ours have this kind of two tiered hull, that's wide and kind of flat. All those holes are for drainage, but also create drag. Basically, I'm making my case for our kayaks being great for stability, but bad for racing. And I need to make this case, because three old ladies totally kicked our asses. (like, seventy-year-olds!)

Everyone started so fast, plus we had a sucky position, so for the first fifteen minutes or so my arms were totally on fire, but after that I began gaining on some people and passed as many as I could. Frustratingly, there were three old ladies and this one middle aged dude ahead of me (aside from all the super athletic young dudes who had vanished downriver by then-- far out front of the rest of us). I was paddling my ass off. Meanwhile the old ladies, one wearing a big floppy sunhat, were ahead, leisurely paddling, chatting, & taking water breaks. Grrr.

Finally I pulled ahead of two of the ladies and the guy, but floppy sunhat was still pretty far ahead of me. I didn't know where Pam was, but I assumed right behind me somewhere. Every time FloppySunHat would stop to rest or drink water, I'd think, "That's right Floppy, you just drink some more refreshing tasty water, 'cause here I come. pwn pwn pwn"

But I never did catch her. Not only that, but the other two and that guy re-passed me eventually. My stroke rate was way higher, yet they just pulled ahead. We went back and forth a few times, me out front, them, but in the end I was in back. The one right in front of me, who wound up finishing ten seconds ahead of me, actually stopped paddling to blow kisses and wave whenever there were spectators on the bank. All the while I was paddling with all my might for three hours straight.

At rapids I'd gain a little because I love bumpy water and go aggressive there, and the ladies seemed a bit tentative, but I wound-up fourth of the women racers and Pam was fifth. Truthfully, we were worried we were last and laster, but there were a good half dozen or so racing kayaks behind us, so I guess we can hold our heads up. (Even though I've got a bad feeling the rest of them weren't really "trying to win".)

And it was a really nice day, and we, as usual had fun hangin' together. I'm telling you though, those old ladies must have been made of 90% gristle. After we barely had the strength to hold up our traditional McD's cones. I have no idea how pam could steer the car. Ow.