Ch-ch-ch-changes...

Hey people.  Get ready for some big changes.  Can't say any more at the moment, but the next time you come here, be prepared.

Here's just an update on where I'm at right now, otherwise known as "SueNews."

Writing-wise, many of you know already "I'm on a break!"  Here's the deal:  About 5 years ago I decided if I was ever going "be a writer", like I'd always said I'd do when I grew-up, I'd better get at it.  Like most things I take an interest in, I became obsessed.  I devoured books about it, read tons of other people's work, listened constantly to books on tape, joined a writing group, and spent about every spare moment writing a novel.

Now I've written about 3, well, 2 & 1/2.  I've re-written all of these bunches of times, so it feels more like I've written 5 or 6.  Almost 2 years ago, I discovered a *new* genre called YA (young adult) and got very excited about that because it was all about teens & edginess, a couple of things I connect to rather well.  Thing is, agents who liked my work thought my voice might actually be a little too mature for young readers, and also wanted me to change my stories around and add tons more sappy love interest stuff.

Now I'm totally sick of YA, and have a hard time even finding anything to read in that genre that interests me.  So now I'm "on a break", letting ideas just float around.  I think the whole publishing process thing kind of burned me out too.  I'm recharging those batts I guess.

Mood-wise, lots of you know I can run very hot and cold.  The last couple years I've felt kind of like a snapped power line, arcing around all over the place with way too much energy.  Suddenly I'm feeling less "pent-up".

This is kind of good, well, okay, I know it probably IS good, but it's weird too.  It reminds me exactly of how I felt when I was a teenager-- like I was fire itself.  Fire is always hungry, and you have to keep feeding it to stoke it and keep it going.  It's kind of exhausting, but if you don't know how to be anything else, or are not sure what will be left if the fire goes out, it's kind of scary to feel it "dying-out."

Anyway, I'm in that mode-- trying to poke around in the embers and see what else is in there.  Maybe being super wound-up and having that tight chest feeling like you're about to freaking hulk-out any second isn't really WHO I am, but just a way I can, at times, feel.  I guess the main thing is, to keep striving for awesome, and trying to be a force for good, and roll with it because it is "life" after all.  :)

Here are two songs to illustrate these mixed feelings.  The first is my beloved Foo Fighters, doing "My poor brain".  "This is a black-out, don't let it go to waste.  I want to detonate.  Sometimes I wish that I could change.  I can't save you from my poor brain."  I TOTALLY relate.  But am feeling less like that right now.  The other is an old favorite-- Sheryl Crow doing "Soak up the sun."  "I'm still the king of me.  It's not getting what you want, it's wanting what you got."  YEAH.  Totally there right now.





All this stuff I'm telling you, coupled with me being really sick of Britts hitting the blog looking for "slag-this-that-&-the-other", and people searching for "sanjaya ponyhawk" & "big fat bacon" (seriously?-- Yup.) etc, are prompting the aforementioned big changes coming next week.  They're good changes though.  :)

Crazy In The Coconut

Hey people. Yesterday I had a meeting with a client for a new commission, nice people, cool project-- but because of rush hour traffic & construction, it took over three hours of driving to get me to and from my roughly eight minute meeting. During that time my brain was flickering through all its channels like some jittery A.D.D kid off their meds.

That's when this song came on the radio. I was stunned to find a song that's actually as random and disjointed as my brain lately, but here it is.



There's a lot of stuff changing right now. The writing that used to be so preoccupying I could barely focus on real life has been abruptly stripped away. It feels like a break-up. When I start writing again, I'm not sure what the story will be about, but everything will have changed. I can feel that much.

Words are still very important to me. I feel kind of lost right now, like after you've been sick, kind of weak or something, and it's feels very off to not have a bunch of characters and their stories chattering to me-- scenes constantly unfolding. Then I'll hear a snippet of a lyric like, "You can judge the whole world by the sparkle that you think it lacks. Yes, you can stare into the abyss but it's staring right back." and it's like a dog whistle. I snap to attention, and my heart tugs.

I don't feel like myself at all right now, well, not the me I've been the last couple years. I can only assume I'm being broken down a bit to shake things up. Maybe Sue2.0 is in the works or something. When I got back from vacation-- I couldn't even believe this myself-- for some stupid reason I was actually afraid to go ride Penny. (I know.) It took me a few days to get around to it. I told myself it was intuition and to just go with it, but I felt really super weird, and ashamed of myself too.

When I did finally ride, everything was fine, I hadn't lost too much ground aside from feeling really out of shape, and I had the same old big smile on my face when I was done, infused with energy. But I felt so vulnerable just before going, not my usual eager boldness.

These feelings, although hard to describe or explain, make me think there is room being made in my psyche for something. Maybe my creativity is being reshuffled. I don't know. I'm trying to hold on to the stuff I feel I do know, but be open to new changes.

Here's some stuff on my list:

I want to be a force for good- to spread the awesome. I like to help people find or express their own awesomeness.

I enjoy finding humor in life (lucky for me).

I sometimes wish I had a bigger tribe, and wonder if being kind of an oddball keeps people away. I can't really change that, and don't want to even try to become some homogenized version of myself though.

I've made creativity my life's work. That takes a lot of leaps of faith, but it's a great gift and makes things interesting.

I might change this blog. When I started it, it was to create an internet presence for my edgy young adult novel writing endeavors. Now-- who knows? It's become fun. I've met some cool people through it, but I don't know that it really has any mission beyond connecting with people and sharing my life, such as it is. I'm considering "Suelandia". Any thoughts on any of this? Any of you ever feel like this? -- or is it just more of my odd-ballishness?

If you are looking for Sue Seeger's metal artwork, click the link on the right. :)

Hey people. SUPER BUSY today-- it's the load-out. I have to lay-out my booth, finish the last two pieces of art, pack and load all the art and fixtures, and set everything up at the show. I feel a little bad for you guys who double down and check out my art blog every week too (thanks!), because today's Fav Music Fri pick is that same video I posted there yesterday. Heh Heh.

Enjoy this lively South African tune set to a vid of my working in my shop. It's from the movie "Sarafina."

OH- and, somehow the video is widescreen, and apparently blogger hasn't figured out how to accommodate that yet, so if you want to see the whole frame (recommended), click the vid screen while it's playing and go watch it on youtube. (Sorry. ) Back to work!

The April Fools

Hey people. Yesterday was me and Dan's 28th anniversary, although, as my mom would be quick to point out, only of being a couple, not of being married. I don't split marital hairs. We were living together before we even started dating, were "just friends" for a few years before that. We've been together forever, and to me that's worth noting.

One thing that's awesome about having been together for this long, is that the other person knew you when, so they remember how awesome you were when you were young and hot.

Exhibit A: Here I am in all my 18 or 19 year-old glory. (Hey, it was the eighties people. Don't judge me.) Note the ashtray behind me to the right of the pic. Yep-- smoking, at my grandma's house, at Christmas. That's-- how badass I was. I look pretty happy about all my rebel-y-ness don't I?

Yep, when Dan and I started out the good times were rolling pretty much 24-7 (I had 2 modes-- working, and partying.). Here I am on my Dad's boat. Again, it was the eighties. Check out my hair-- rockin'.

Here's Dan in a friend's basement we used to party with all the time. I used to like it when he didn't shave because he looked... older than 12. Seriously, he has these super intense dark eyes. My friends all have noticed this. ~Sigh~

I've only recently concluded one of the key things about Dan that drew me in, besides a sudden, undeniable, overpowering attraction, was that he was always 100% accepting of me. I always had, since about age 16, this deep drive to do kind of crazy things. I was a major thrill seeker. He never scolded me, or acted jealous of the time I spent with my nutball friend of the moment, or seemed to have any expectations of me beyond loyalty. Me, just being me, was good enough.

That is a bigger deal than it sounds like, because I can be really fun, but also a lot of work. Alone together we were like these secret animals, that could play and tease, but also have these super deep, honest talks-- mostly me talking and asking him all kinds of probing questions about things that had never occurred to him before, about our true natures etc.

When we'd hit a rough patch, especially after the first 5 years, there was never any angst about whether we'd make it or not. Resolution was the only option. If one of us is unhappy, it isn't fixed yet. This takes a lot of work, a lot of talking, and wrestling towards happiness, but we decided it was worth it.

He's never tried to change me. When I quit school he never strung the words "wasted potential" together. When I was fat for a few years (and yes-- FAT. 173 on my birdy frame is Mama-Cass-choking-on-her-sandwich fat.), he never once said, "You sure you want to eat that?" When I was really ambitious about my job he cheered me on. When I wanted to go to welding school he didn't blink. When I wanted to scrap my furniture design plans and just make art he just said, "If that's what it takes to make you happy." He remembers what I was like, way back when, that whole different version of me, and thinks I'm way more awesome now.

Even though I usually look like this.

Last week I found THE PERFECT song for us, for right now. I played it over and over. He likes it too, because it's about a lifetime, and that layer of separation between your primary relationship and the world, and getting older and that being okay.

Enjoy "The Story" by Brandie Carlile. (Sorry about the ad. The size of the vid is for high def and the screen doesn't fit right. Couldn't figure out how to get rid of it.)

Apparently, I make the rockin' world go 'round...

Hey people. Art stuff is going full blast right now. Suddenly, just in the nick if time, all my cylinders are firing and it's going awesome and feeling great. If you're interested in that, head over to the art blog and check it out. (link on the right)

Today's Fav Music Fri pick is something that came up on my iPod the other day and it just made me remember what an awesome band Queen was, and, that-- holy crap!-- it'll be summer soon and there is no way in hell I want to be seen in shorts at this moment! I better get on it!

Enjoy "Fat Bottomed Girls", and get on your bikes and RIDE!



ps-- hilariously, a bunch of ponyhawk freaks did tune into the last post. ~shrugs~

First Flashmob Ever

Hey people. Wow. It has been A WEEK around here. I've been vacillating wildly between "I suck, and am totally ineffectual and irrelevant," and, "I am awesome. The only thing more awesome than me is my gigantic submerged iceberg of potential awesomeness."

Basically, yeah, tinfoil beanie time. What has managed to pull me out of several nosedives this week though, as usual, has been the right tune at the right time. That and getting to ride my bike really fast a couple times-- On pavement, but still pretty fun, especially with the obnoxious silver and purple wind-spinner I taped to my handlebars. WEE!

Enjoy this awesome scene from one of the best movies ever-- Ferris Bueller's Day Off. (Sis- we are totally renting this next time I come down.) You WILL be in a better mood after this, especially if desk-dancing is involved. Guaranteed.



In Other SueNews:

The river has risen a bit since last weekend, but nothing critical.

This is the hanging-out, having beers deck. Our house is still on dry land.

The grasses are getting quite a hair-wash. Looks cool.

A few of you have said Tina looks like me. I'm not so sure, but thanks.

If anyone's been wondering, Tootie and Mike's red hot romance is still ON.

But, she has been busted flirting with Ray when Mike's not around. The slut.

Oh- Also, Dan and I determined I sometimes laugh like Scooby Doo.

Here's hoping you find a little window of fun and/or jamming out today.

Written In Reverse

Hey people. Symtomatic of my present mind-eff'd-ness, I had the hardest time picking out a song for today's Fav Music Fri. The process mirrored what's been going on with me creatively lately-- I had a few ideas, but when I looked up videos those bloomed into way more ideas, then I began thinking about it-- probably too much, and it just got more and more difficult to make a choice.

Then in the middle of the night I remembered this song, which hasn't been out that long, and it is PERFECT. Enjoy "Written In Reverse" by Spoon. (It's not really a vid, but listen anyway.)



It's so weird being sort of married to your work. When you're a creative, it's not just what you do, it's who you are, so how all that's going affects your moods and everything. Lately it's one of those phases where there's a lot of stuff roiling around building up pressure, but not being released in any gratifying way. ~frustrating~

With the writing-- it's easy to get into an almost masturbatory groove with it-- where it feels really good-- you're feeling that special alchemy of words from your head creating actual people and circumstances and it all sounds really good-- vivid. It's ON-- but then you see really it's not. It's just you playing with your tools, the words, messing around with a story that isn't really worth telling. And in this market-- the story is the thing that will sell your work.

If you are a writer and plan on holding onto your sanity (HA!), you are fated to walk a line between surrendering to the process, telling yourself that even if nothing ever happens with your work you'd still do it because you can't not do it, and trying to face reality-- it probably won't happen for you-- but it FOR SURE won't if your work is weak in any way.

So that's where I am. At this point I've written over 40k words of unpublishable crap (just for this one project), but it might be leading me to something through the back door of "well, I now know that approach doesn't work." Now I have to work on visual art. That's taking over my brain again, so I'm back to composing story lines in my head.

Is this a story that needs telling?
Why should anyone care what happens to this person?
What if all the major chunks of the story were shifted around so the reader had to figure out what this is a puzzle of?
How formative are events?
Can you win a war if you lose parts of yourself?

Gah. This story's written in reverse. Somebody call a hearse! The lighbulb's going off.
Here's how the sun woman came out. She's pretty cool, and I learned something important about expressions.

The welder awaits. Game on. Have a good weekend you guys.

Where is my mind?

Hey people. Today's Fav Music Fri pick is "Where is my mind?" by The Pixies-- because that's the tune I set my last race video to. It actually fits me this week too. Remember on "Twilight Zone- The Movie" when that monkey thing is sitting on the wing of the plane pulling wires out? That's been my brain. Anyway-- enjoy. The answers from the last post follow the vid.

If you click the button with the 4 arrows it expands to full screen, Press "esc" to go back to small & see blog again.



Are any of these true? Are any lies?

1) Despite my chronic skipping, I got very good grades in school, often making the honor role.

Not exactly true. I did skip a lot, did not get good grades-- although I got good grades considering. I also tested really well on college entrance exams, in everything except math.

2) When I was young and my address was (briefly) a mustard yellow pinto wagon, I hung out with a real live timber wolf for nearly a week.

This, believe it or not, is true. Someone had brought the wolf to the vet I worked for to be euthanized because her son, the owner, had killed himself. I just couldn't let it happen and the vet gave her to me. Later the lady changed her mind and wanted her back. I wish there had been a wolf sanctuary back then.

3) I once had a stalker who looked exactly like the actor Bruce Dern. In fact, I'd be very interested to know Mr. Dern's whereabouts from July 1983 to February 1984.

True.

4) I once appeared on a high school quiz show. My area of expertise was astronomy.

True. In Canada in 7th grade, where you began going to high school in 7th grade at the time. There was no Jr. High.

5) I went to the Sturgis motorcycle rally with hubs once completely by accident.

True. And once was def enough.

6) Friends know me as an awesome dancer. I no longer go to bars, but at weddings I love when I get get someone else to dance with me and the floor clears so we can really show off. Hubs hates to dance but I love it.

Apparently a lot of you know me well enough to know this is NOT true, although I have to say at the last couple of weddings I've gotten out there and have not made a complete spectacle of myself.

7) I have nearly drowned 3 times. Twice in the ocean, once in the Apple River in WI. In WI I was saved by a strange boy's crotch.

True.

8) One time, (not one of the near drowning experiences), I swam so far out in the ocean the floor dropped away and out of sight. When I looked behind me towards the beach I set-out from, the island looked small and very far away. On the way back I swam over two sharks fighting over something.

True. There was also a big storm coming in from the ocean. Me and Dan had to swim for all we were worth to get back to shore before it hit. Kind of thought we'd had it that time.

9) I'm an excellent cook, when pressed into service, even though I have ruined a number of pots and pans and even disabled a major appliance in my efforts.

True.

10) I drove all the way to Texas once (from MN), commando, on a dare.

Not true. It was only from Galveston to Mustang Island TX, and wasn't a dare. Me and sis had gone swimming in our clothes and had nothing really dry to wear. Commando was more comfortable than wet and sandy. This was the trip we learned to stop elevators between floors to use as changing rooms (before vid surveillance) and if you're going to stay in cheap motels-- bring Lysol and "shower shoes."

11) I once found a dead body. I was eleven years old. Me and a friend used to hang out in this big area behind our townhouses that was all fields and woods. One day we saw a guy sitting in the grass leaning against a tree. After spying on him for a while, we decided he was sleeping and made a game of seeing how close we could get to him. He wasn't sleeping. He'd shot himself in the head.

This is not true, but is exactly the kind of thing we used to pretend/hope for when I was that age. Lurking around in the woods and fields creeping myself-out was my favorite pastime.

12) A family of complete strangers once took refuge in my living room from a knife wielding mugger in the middle of the night. I awoke to them moving my furniture around looking for places to hide.

This, is true. They were being stuck-up for a frozen turkey. The mugger was in the alley across the street having it out with the husband. I never locked my doors, even though I lived in the total hood. I had nothing to steal and there was a big window in my front door that wouldn't keep anyone out anyway. I figured I was saving myself a possible broken window. This was the only time anyone ever "broke in."

13) I have a secret thing for sundresses. If I could get away with it, I'd wear one everyday, for a few hours at least. I also have a collection of pretty fancy high heels I never wear out in public. I just can't resist shoes. They're like crack! It doesn't matter if I can walk in them or not. I must have them!

Trick question-- true on the sundresses, false on the shoes, which leaves me with a bunch of sundresses I can only wear with my old standby flip-flops or one or two pairs of sandals. I like to wear dresses, but then wish someone would play tag or get in a big watergun fight with me or something. Remember when you were a little kid and you'd wear a sundress and just play like it was normal clothes? That's what I'd like.

14) I once had a job that required me to wear a white lab coat.

True. It had the name Barb embroidered on it, but true. It was when I was a vet peon.

15) Have rescued toads, frogs, salamanders and spiders with my bare hands, but am freak-a-zilla-ishly terrified of snakes. Once, when co workers decided it would be funny to toss a rubber snake at me, I reacted by throwing my big gulp all over them. It did turn out to be funny, but not in the way they expected.

True.

16) Once when a duck flew down our chimney I captured it with my bare hands and set it free. Not before toppling a potted plant and a ceramic horse my great grandma gave me, and the duck shitting all over the house unfortunately.

False. Me and Dan were inexplicably afraid of the duck and called our outdoorsman next door neighbor to come capture it for us, and nothing broke. There was some duck poo though.

17) In high school I went into the bathroom one day and cut a whole bunch of my hair off.

True. It came out a lot better than you'd think. Everyone thought it was super cute and wanted to know where I got it done. It felt very empowering.

18) I was once in an elevator with Jerry Seinfeld. I wanted to say something funny SO BADLY. When he pushed the lobby button I burst-out, "Don't bring me down, no-no, no-no, no-no, no-no, no-no, nooooo. Oh-wee hoo," in this kind of dorky robot-y voice. He just shifted uncomfortably and avoided eye contact while I died a silent death.

This is just totally made up. In real life I'd probably just give him a smile and congratulate myself on not being an intrusive pest. But I'd still wish I could think of something funny to say.

Thanks for guessing everyone. I guess Pam got the best score (4 out of 5), but a lot of you were pretty accurate with the one or two you did guess. Lynn- you did pretty good too. :)

Check back Mon to see if I manage to pull off a blog makeover I'm planning, if I can figure out the html stuff.

More than words

Hey people. It's the final "Gettin' It On Feb" Fav Music Fri post and it's a doozie.

First up is something a friend sent me. It's pretty funny, but also makes me just shake my head. Be sure to click so you can read this.

Next I have something to be honest I wasn't sure about sharing on here, but it just so damned funny. It is, however, one of the most obscene things I've ever seen, even if it is just line drawings, so be warned-- adult content-- totally NSFW. I'm just going to post the link so there's no accidental views. It's an ad from French t.v. (ah, the French).

Then there is today's music pick. This one has been in the bullpen for a while, and is a gorgeous song. It's so simple-- just guitar and voice. I think it's funny their drummer & bass player are still in the vid, just reading a magazine and hanging out. "Take five dudes." Enjoy "More Than Words" by Extreme.



Been a tough week here in paradise. Was not feelin' the love much AT ALL a few days ago. Hubs kind of lost it and had a very uncharacteristic spaz-out at me in public. He didn't make a huge spectacle of himself, but first of all, it always sucks to get yelled at no matter the circumstance, secondly-- what upset him wasn't really even my fault, and lastly-- I really HATE drama, especially in public. I felt like he'd just stormed out of the double-wide in a stained t-shirt and hurled beer cans at me in front of a bunch of my friends. (and not even friend-friends, acquaintance friends, who probably just thought he always acts like this.)

I felt like total shit.

Anyone who knows hubs at all knows this is completely strange. Is probably having a hard time even imagining this. He is one of the nicest, mellowest guys you'll ever meet. It was pretty freaky, and upsetting. We all have our moments don't we?

After, I was really bummed and thought it would take a long time for me to feel good about us again. But he rallied. He could see how it affected me and we talked and talked until I felt as good as I could about it at the time, which still wasn't stellar. The next day he actually went to the card store (I know. Big.).

It wasn't the card. It was the fact he made a special trip there on his own, and how he wrote a very heartfelt "please forgive me" note in it detailing what went wrong and how bad he felt about it all. Way to pull it out of the dumper hubs. Good save. We still have some more talking to do. That's how it works. That's why it's a real-life 26 year long relationship and not a lifetime movie.

But all in all, we're good.

The reason I'm letting you all rummage around in my private life is partly to let anyone who witnessed the big freak-out know that was a really bizarre incident, not just the way things roll around here, and that everything is now fine. Another reason is to remind everyone relationships are awesome, and sharing your life with someone gives your life dimension and having that connection is irreplaceable-- but it is a lot of work. Worthwhile, but always work.

Ever hear, "You get what you pay for?" You have to be willing to do the hard stuff too.

Get fighty

Hey people. Two Feb fav Music Fri's left for Gettin' It ON Feb. Today I did have this just plain gorgeous love song picked out, a couple actually, but I am just not feeling sentimental today. A little more of a "someone got me wet and fed me after midnight" vibe in Sue Land, so you get something a little different.

This first one is a shout-out to all my roughed-up gal pals. When love takes a dump on you, all you can do is drag yourself up off the mat, process a bit, and rock being you, even it's a brand new version of you. Enjoy "Fighter" by Christina Aguilera. She might be pop, but still has the most amazing pipes ever.



Keep fighting the good fight-- to be awesome and rule your world, benevolently. (But kick ass when you abs have to.) Be the king of you. ~fist pump~

This next one is just plain fun. I went through a phase where I was super into Big Band music, and used to really wish I lived back then-- in WWII. It seemed like such an exciting era. Now I'm quite happy to be here-- now, but they did have some cool tunes back in the day.

I love how she plays with that here, and dirties it up a little in a playful way too. Playfulness is about my favorite quality in people, assuming they've got the honorable, general coolness nailed down. Here's "Candyman", also by Christina.



In other SueNews:

Very psyched about another mountain bike race this weekend. It's the last one of the winter, and the biggest, and there are lots of extracurricular activities and hijinx planned so I should be high for a couple days off it anyway.

My camera came back all fixed from the warranty repair center. People are def more motivated to help you out when you're super nice to them.

I tried riding the trail this week-- ~fail~. It was pretty hilarious actually. What spurred me on was running into this sort of imaginary nemesis over there one day. I took my bike (Penny) over to ride through this little zippy race course they made in the back parking lot, but was mainly going over to hike around and go sliding.

So I'm riding around with giant snowboots on, and my big mittens, and a saucer sled strapped to my back, when this lost dog showed up. I invited it to join my tribe. (I'm real good with the doggy peeps. I used to want to be a trainer.) After getting over her initial, ruff-bristling fear, she did, and then hung out with me while I rode up and down looking for her owner, or at least someone with a cell (she had tags).

Who shows up, but this guy who was in the Halloween race with me last year. We sort of plagued each other. There was one section where people kept getting backed up, and he wanted me to move out of the way, but there was nowhere to pull off, and five or six people right in front of me blocking me. When I could finally let him past, he was in MY way because he couldn't ride up the hills. So without meaning to, and it not being anyone's fault, we were sort of frustrating each other.

Since he was over there riding on the day of the lost dog (owner found, dog returned safely home btw), it made me feel I needed to de-wuss and get on it and try winter riding again.

Like I said-- ~fail~.

First Penny tried to eat the pants right off my leg, which was a drag because they got a big rip in them, and it was frustrating because I couldn't climb hills hardly AT ALL. In summer when it gets tough I just stand up and hammer, plus I'm carrying more speed into the climb-- but on snow you can't. Your butt needs to stay on the seat to keep weight on the back tire. When I lost forward momentum my tire would start to spin out. That wrecks the trail, so I'd have to get off and walk.

Pushing your bike through the snow is def not as fun as riding. The worst news of all, is that so far arch nemesis is winning you guys! I know! (can not abide) I'm going to have to figure this out. Or just settle for totally owning him this summer.

If only you got points for trash talking. I'd be the effing KING then. ~struts~

Get your heart ON.

Hey people. It's Valentine's weekend in case you have been under a rock or anything. Single or about-to-be, bitter, unhappy, gal-pal-peeps, I feel you guys, but this one's for the true believers, so you might as well tune out now. See ya next week.

For anyone sticking around-- I have some really cool songs for you today. I have to admit I think I posted this one last year, but I just can't help myself. I love me some Dave Grohl. This vid is so powerful I think, because of the denial of gratification-- the desire is so strong but they're both being held back by the glass. The frustration even gets violent. I'd be going NUTS. RAWR. ~shatters glass with awesome smashing side kick~ ~then totally makes out with Dave~

(If you push the button with the 4 arrows pointing out it will expand and you can get rid of the ad. Push esc to get it back to the blog.)



This next one is from one of my very favorite groups-- The Black Keys. This is a fan vid with some cool graphics. The song is "So he won't break," and I love it. I'd actually love to make a video of slo-mo mountain bike crashes to it someday, but in terms of a gettin'-it-on song, I think there will always be something incredibly seductive to women about the idea of being THE ONE who hits the nerve in a guy. Plus, the song just has that rolling, dirty rhythm that is perfect for making-out to.



Got into an interesting convo with Dan the other night. I can be a lot of work sometimes. I like a bit of attention (in case you hadn't guessed), kind of demand it actually. Sometimes I ask him for reassurance too. Sometimes I feel invincible, sometimes like a total train wreck. I can be hyper one day, and really bummed the next. I'm always concerned about how he's perceiving me. I feel a certain pressure to be "worth the trouble." I want him to feel "lucky" to have me, but that means I have to be pretty awesome right?

This plays out with me trying to make sure he likes coming home to me, trying to be fun, trying to look as good as I can, trying to make him feel good about himself, to anticipate his wants, trying to remain hot on some level-- lots of things. I want to add to his life.

I asked him if he ever thinks this way-- worrying how I see him.

Um... He's a guy-- so-- shocker! No.

He pretty much goes about his business and doesn't really think about how I am feeling about him. If I'm not pissed, he assumes everything is great. (If he detects any level of mysterious "pissedness" a whole other type of guy calculus begins to take place involving avoidance/deflection ratios etc, but that is a whole other post.)

It's so weird how different we are (men and women). I envy the way they take things at face value, and their confidence. (The very things I find so attractive in them -- hmmm.) (There's lots more, but their self-esteem already seems pretty up there, so I'll leave it at that.)

I've often wondered if it comes from how in Jr. High/High School, if you're a guy-- your face is your face and your hair is your hair. "Good luck to 'ya." But if you're a girl you're taught how to "fix" everything that's wrong with you with make-up and hair products and devices. And you are made well aware there is A TON wrong with you, and it goes way beyond just looks.

Wow- this got a little off track didn't it? I guess it's just funny how each sex seems to think the other is holding all the cards. Guys have the power of selection, girls of rejection. (This is what we each think anyway.) What a double-edged sword.

As usual I love hearing what you all think. Comment it up.

Play some good music while you make-out this weekend if at all possible. Have fun! (If it's not fun pick up a manual or something because you're def doing it wrong.)

Bowmp-chicka-mow-mow...

Hey people. Welcome to the "Gettin' It Effin ON Feb" edition of Fav Music Friday. My first bit of advice to any guys out there looking to, you know, get some-- is, if at all possible-- be Dave Grohl.

Okay. Sorry. Just kidding. Any excuse will do, really, to work him in. In all seriousness, V-day is coming up, and I do have a few thoughts. Lot's of women buy into the whole grand gestures deal, thinking if a guy comes up with flowers, or jewelry, etc it means he super lurves you. The Valentines Day industry is built on this myth. Maybe it means that, maybe not.

I know a few guys who are good at gifts etc, coming up with ideas all on their own, because they are thoughtful, and into their women, and they get it. (These men are all taken of course.) I've also known plenty who are good at that kind of stuff, because they get it too-- in a manipulative bastard-y way, or, just as pukey-- a showboat-y "look what an awesome guy I am" way.

So don't let the whole gifty, window dressing thing be the deciding factor. It's a plus, but it's not necessarily an indicator of "love." Sometimes, the guy who sucks at gifts & special occasions, but scrapes off your windshield on a random Thurs, and is super reliable, is the keeper.

Men and women are wired differently (if you haven't figured it out yet.) Let me crack the code for you. (There will always be gals who like interestingly damaged men, and guys who are into infantilized women who can't think their way out of a paper bag, but assuming everyone here falls somewhere on the pretty normal spectrum...)

Women want to feel so desirable, that they are worth almost any amount of trouble. This is why they really get into things where the guy shows he's gone to some kind of effort-- like planning ahead. They also like to feel they drive the guy so out of his gord, it ignites his baser male instincts. Which is why they like when he actually decides stuff all on his own, like what restaurant to go to. (rawr)

Men like to feel virile and indispensable. They like when they do things-- like fix stuff or make themselves useful-- and we notice. It might be somewhat expected that they do certain things, but it doesn't hurt anything to show a little gratitude. They do, after all, come in handy.

(I had a joke here about them liking it when we make a big deal about their muscles etc, but some random guy hanging out in my living room, whose name isn't Dan or anything, totally rolled his eyes.) I had a hard time pinning him down on exactly what guys like about how we behave towards them-- something besides how we look. Guys are so visual it's scary.

Finally we settled on -- when we show them any signs of being "into it", or "into them", they like it. (RAWR)

People-- like to feel like they are smart, and funny, and cool-- that they're loved, and liked too. They want to feel connected, and safe-- like there's a level of trust & intimacy in their significant relationship that sets it apart from all their other social interactions. Everyone likes to feel like they matter, that they are heard, and cared about. (purr)

Just food for thought. :) I'd love to hear what you guys/gals think about this. Weigh in.

This song has basically nothing to do with romantic love. It's purely about getting it on. Enjoy. Here's hoping everyone gets lucky this weekend. :)

Tough Day At The Races

Hey people. So remember that race I went to last Sun? Here's a Video I made of it. The song is by Brad Sucks, "Look and feel years younger."

It's pretty chronological footage. It was such a hard slog for those guys. They apparently have the same weird thing I do where they semi-enjoy that feeling that you're about to die of a heart attack. Look for a pirate flag near the end if you really want to see someone coming into the finish line on heart alone-- It's my pal Rich, who hadn't eaten enough before the race and had run completely out of gas.



They're having another race Sun that I'll probably miss. I'm driving 1400 miles with Dan to buy a 10 year old used car. Don't ask. Hopefully it will wind-up being just what he wants-- a cheap, no frills, all-wheel-drive car to drive to work and back.

Remember-- next week "Gettin' it on Feb" starts-- oh screw it. I like Effin' Feb better. Actually, I like the more profane version of that better, but by next week I might be in a better mood. So we'll just have to see what I call it--- but whatever--- Prepare yourself for some bangin' tunes. Literally.

Just a ps-- This trip is a friggin NIGHTMARE so far, but more on that later... assuming I make it back north of the Mason-Dixon line at some point.

Devil cuts loose...

Hey people. Today's pick for Fav Music Friday is totally unexpected. I was reminded of this song last night when I met with a bunch of people from my last major employer. We all worked for a small chain of furniture stores where there was specific approved music that could be played. Occasionally an employee's personal music would make it into the mix. This was one of those songs, and it was so out of place, when it came on it would almost be like someone just shot off a cannon in the store.

By my last year at this place I was so thoroughly burned-out, I absolutely HATED it. When this song would play it would be one of the few flickers of life in my day. I'd be super pumped someone was actually allowed to scream at the top of their lungs and get away with it. Check out Bjork--



It was really fun seeing these guys last night. It turned out to be only a small group, and I knew everyone except one gal, who seemed really fun. (She said she remembered me, had started about two weeks before I left. Our only exchange apparently involved me telling her "I fucking hate this place." Nice huh? Not very awesome of me.)

I haven't worked there for about 15 years. Funny how memory works. I was there for 10 years (gulp), and most of that time was spent being super into it. But after I *won at managing* and decided that wasn't the field I wanted to be in, I did spend one or two of the longest years of my life waiting for my profit sharing to vest so I could quit and not walk away from big dough.

The people there last night never even knew awesome me, only sick of the place, hating her job me. They all seem like really cool funny people, but I never even really bothered to get to know them because I was so mentally out the door. They were all really nice and acted glad to see me anyway.

The person I was especially happy to see, was an old, really good friend-- the guy who invited me to this shin-dig. We actually were friends in high school, and have somehow managed to keep cropping up in each other's lives. He still looks great and handsome and happy, and is living in the same cool old south Minneapolis home with his partner- another former co-worker.

It was fun seeing all those guys, and I'm glad everyone seemed to have happy lives now, including me. :) Maybe now I'll quit having those nightmares about this place, and those dreams where I'm beating the crap out of my old boss. Closure anyone?

I am the greatest man that ever lived. Yeah, I said it.

Hey people. Today's Fav Music Friday pick is one I've been saving since I first found it back the the warm months. Some of you know I like me some Weezer once in a while. Their song, "I am the greatest man that ever lived" never fails to lift my mood. The unabashed, tongue-in-cheek swagger of it makes me laugh the same way the book title, "A heartbreaking work of staggering genius" does (and if you can picture a woman in her forties stomping around her welding shop singing along, that is pretty funny too.)

Enjoy the amazing, gravity defying skiing in the vid. More on that after.



I love watching footage of people doing things like this. For one thing, they have to be a little crazy, but it's way more than that. I see the same essential thing when I watch really talented boarders, skaters, riders, and surfers--

They have internalized the physics of their bodies falling through space. They get how they are weighted, and have an internal clock ticking off their hang time. In many cases they understand this intellectually-- they have to, to some extent, to be able to self-correct etc, but I suspect that knowing, pales in comparison to the inarticulate certainty inside them. They go by feel I think.

A couple other things- They've shed their fear. I'm sure it's still there to some extent, but they're so focused on chasing the high of when it feels totally perfect- that overrides it. The joy/energy buzz is stronger than their fear.

Also, they look where they're going or where they want to go. Look at some of the footage again. Their heads turn very decidedly in the direction they want their bodies to go.

Warren Miller (entertainment) shot this footage. He's a ski film legend who spent his whole life skiing and surfing, and making one feature length ski film a year since 1950. He's been indie the entire time. Now he's in his eighties and isn't really involved in doing the films anymore, but his company, now run by his son, goes on, documenting amazing skiers and boarders.

All this-- following something you love doing, sharing it with the world, feeling yourself falling through space and time, trying to let your joy override your fear, trusting your instincts, and looking where you want to go, all sounds like really good advice on how to live your life to me.

It might get loud...

Hey people. Welcome back to Fav Music Fri. Below is a trailer for a vid I rented a couple weeks ago- a documentary about the creative journeys of U2's Edge, Jack White (kaBLAM- head explodes), and rock legend Jimmy Page (Led Zep).

Check it out-- the opening sequence (where Jack MAKES a guitar out of a board, a couple of nails, and an old coke bottle, then plays it with a socket) alone is worth the price of admission.



I'm curious to hear how people who aren't really that into rock receive this. If anyone checks it out-- get back and comment. I found it fascinating- learning about how the different sounds are produced and the ways these guys think about music.

The coolest thing of all though, was seeing how they have really allowed their creativity and passion rule their lives, and determine the paths they took. I was especially delighted by Jimmy Page.

You think of aging rockers as being kind of road worn and tattered from having lived a very hard life of drugs etc, but he didn't give off that at all. He seemed very happy, and the joy he still takes in playing and listening to music is obvious. He kind of radiated joy. Awesome!

Anyway, I really recommend this documentary. It totally sparked me to get going on my own creative stuff.

Speaking of...
In other SUE NEWS:

I'm over 12k (words) in on my new project-- a novel about a girl who's trying to hide the fact that she's all on her own in the world, while doing battle with a very bad guy. The working title is "Threat Level Amber" because her name is amber, and- taking a lot of cues from things her mom taught her about how the world works, and the book "The Art Of War", she becomes pretty formidable.

This weekend I got invited to a reading by an author I really admire. Her agent is the agent I want. I've had some online interaction with her, but I was stunned she actually remembers me and took the time to invite me personally. Can't wait to meet her in person!

It feels really good to be writing again and pulled into that world. But the other world is pulling too.

Art stuff is kind of simmering on the back burner. Next week I fire up the shop again. I have 2 commissions waiting, and a bunch of stuff to begin planning for the coming year. I'm going to approach things a little differently this time around. More on that later.

I'm still pretty heavily involved in grandma stuff. She's definitely in decline. It's weird, being at the end and knowing it. We talked about her trouble breathing yesterday. She said at night when she's having shortness of breath in bed she just tells herself to calm down. She knows it's not going to get better. She's afraid to leave her apartment because she knows even a common cold will kill her at this point. Her life is reduced to breathing, & food and water in and out, broken up by a lot of t.v. and a little reading.

It's come down to just trying to help her be as comfortable mentally and physically as possible while waiting around to die. Seeing this, and how helpless she's become, has made me think squirreling away a bunch of Ambien is an excellent idea. When I'm like, 125 and fading fast, I think it would also be an excellent time to take up heavy drinking.

I've got my love to keep me warm

Hey people. I'm posting a little late today. Am kind of sick. Cooked pork loin for my grandma this morning because she likes that old school kind of food and nearly lost it all over the kitchen. Sorry. TMI to be sure.

Anyway, I'm hoping hubs and I will still catch "It's a wonderful life" -- our only Christmas tradition. I love this remix, and set to scenes from the movie-- it's a win.



Hey Twin Cities pals-- I totally want to have a sliding party soon. Who's in? I have a couple extra sleds or you can find them cheap at Target. You may think you're too old, but you'd be surprised how fun it still is, and you don't break as easily as you think-- trust me.

C'mon you guys! C'mon! (peer pressure & svengalli-like vibes at YOU)

You can act like you're not into it...

But hardly anyone can not shake their butt to this song.

Hey People. Many of you will be surprised by today's video pick considering my holly jolly Thanksgiving post, but there are some things that I do enjoy about the holidays, and this song, and this movie (Love Actually) are a couple of them. Kind of sappy for me-- but OMG-- how cute is that little kid drumming?



As I mentioned, I'll be down at Casa Katie for about a week, and I'm not sure what will be up with my posts while I'm gone. She doesn't have a wireless connection. Tomorrow (Fri) I'll be spending untold hours on planes and in airports, so you can probably check my Twitter feed to see how that's all going. I'll try to get some stuff up, but if I can't-- try-- TRY to hang in there. Be brave. It's only a week.

While I'm gone I'll be working on my annual Holiday letter, so you can look forward to that. Basically whenever me and sis are together, weirdness abounds, so... Who knows WHAT you'll see next.

Fav Music Fri- Thanksgiving wackness from MGMT

Hey people. Ho-my-God are you in for a treat today. I've been waiting to post this for MONTHS people. Feast your eyes on MGMT performing "kids" on french t.v. dressed as pilgrims. I've rarely seen anything so gloriously effing bizarre. It's not a mere video, it's a spectacle!

Stuff to notice-- the "Indians" are cuddling puppies. One of the pilgrims is getting a massage on stage. One of the pilgrims is randomly spinning around in the background on one of those gyroscopic deals you ride on that Pres Bush fell off once. And off to the right there is someone dressed totally as some Frenchie artiste, complete with beret and drapey smock, painting a portrait of them. Ah the French, gotta luv 'em.




In other Suenews:

Me and T-Pam have been riding a lot this week and getting bolder and better as we get in more runs. I'm now looking at stuff I dismissed as "impossible-- for me" in the beginning and thinking twice every time I walk it-- and even riding some of it. We've gotten our times for a whole lap to under an hour. Next year, when I'm finally able to stay on the bike the whole way through and ride every feature, it could really be effing ON. Maybe I'll race some more if I don't feel too stupid. That would be super cool.

Today I have to fire-up the damn tree factory, but yesterday I talked T-Pam into skipping with me and we hit IKEA and The Mall as promised. It was awesome. Cinnamon stix, milk duds, and lingonberry soda were consumed. I considered buying lamps at IKEA and fantasized about redoing our kitchen & bathroom someday. I took some rad pics I'll put up on Mon of the shoe expedition, and T Pam rolling around on a pile of cow skins like a barbarian. I got a kick-ass jacket for $42 at H&M. *Win*

Took a look at the novel I want to revise tonight (a stand alone). I charted each chapter as it now stands. Oh. My. Gawd.

I could have been sucked inside-out from the unbelievably huge vortex of suck. I wrote this one off the seat of my pants before I'd even heard of YA, or apparently structure, or how, you know, stuff is supposed to actually HAPPEN as opposed to the main character just talking on the phone about stuff. (wilts from shame) There's *some* good stuff, but TONS of garbage, and it's 20k too long. It should be fun to take another crack at after tree central shuts down.

That's it for now. Stay cool peeps.

Humor, Hooks & Heavy Guitars

Hey people. That's the way a local reviewer described Weezer- today's pic for Fav Music Fri. She went on to say, "They haven't reinvented the wheel here, but would you really want Weezer to do that?" No-- you'd want them to just rock-out with the fun music they always put out.

Their new album dropped this week- "Ratitude" (named by Dwight from The Office, a friend of the band's frontman Rivers Cuomo) (one of their promotions for it is that you can but a Weezer Snuggie in red or blue) and I've been waiting for the video for the first single to be released. Enjoy "If you're wondering if I want you to, I want you to" by Weezer.



A lot of people who listened to Weezer in high school or college claim to be "over" them. They came along later for me and I still really get into them. It's just fun power-poppy music. Rivers has stated his ambition is to write American pop music. He doesn't see that as anything to be ashamed of. Pop = popular, relatable. He wants to write music people jam-out to and sing along with that is accessible. I'm calling it a win.

I still love stomping around singing "I am the greatest man who ever lived" and I love it when I'm riding and "Everybody get dangerous" comes on. Go Weezer!

In other SueNews:
I decided to do one more show before dealing stuff out to galleries so today I'm setting up for an open house/show at my neighbor's studio. This also means I'll be making jewelry today and tonight. I have to say, I really like how the "Fast Machine" jewelry has been coming out, and much to my delight-- the people who were drawn to it last weekend were exactly the kind of people I had in mind-- cool, active, and kind of kick-ass.

My calf sprain is healing-up. It hasn't been affecting my riding too much, but last night I tried running and it was definitely "there", making me shorten my stride quite a bit, but, do-able. This morning before I dive into another workday, I'm going riding with DangerGirlJr T-Rose, that girl I took out on her second ride. We may ride the whole course, have to see what she's up for.

I can't believe this week is already gone. A couple more play dates next week, but hopefully, lots more writing happening.