Dizzy in the head

Hey people. What is it with Peeps?? People are into these things. After last Wed's post 2 readers sent me pics. I think we all get this first one. I like how the "customers" are all these gross, fat, blobs.

And ProRacerSam actually MADE her own diorama. There's a story behind it;
"Jeff and I decided to do an homage to his parents for Easter in the form of peep dioramas. Jeff's father, Doug, is a sufferer of celiac - so he makes these gluten free peanut butter cookies that are to die for. In fact, whenever I'm there, I eat the whole lot of them, even though they are supposedly for him. We all call them Doug Cookies. So my scene for the Easter diorama is entitled PEEP COOKIES. It's Doug and Marlene in peep form making Doug cookies in the kitchen of their Wisconsin peep home."


Wow- She got out the paints and EVERYTHING. You win Sam!

In other SueNews:

Still cranking on the artwork. I'm going to have to begin pricing in a day or two-- my least favorite part. I still have tons of ideas I won't be able to complete by Fri, but that's okay because demand is high right now, so I still need some gallery work too.

On the writing front-- major major disconnect. Actually on several fronts there is a pretty giant shift occurring. I feel like a lot of things are drifting away from me. Energy has gone out of some things. It's hard to explain, but if feels like the universe has walked up to my chalkboard, covered with the equations that run my life and picked up a giant eraser and just begun wiping it all off.

Okay-- not all (everything with Dan, and health, and family-- the basics are all fine), but major portions. When stuff like this happens it feels like I have no control over it. It's not exactly pleasant, but it is interesting. I can only assume there is some room being made for other stuff that's on it's way to me. Already my focus is shifting. I'll have to pay attention. The universe is usually pretty good at going, "No dummy, over here... LOOK," but I have to have my antenna up.

I'm even looking at this blog and questioning it's validity. I'm considering changes in content, frequency, if it's even worth continuing, basically nothing is off the table at this point. Any thoughts?

Peep Show

Hey people. It's Easter this weekend. That means. among other things, people are doing weird things with Peeps.

Remember last winter? (This pic makes me feel a little guilty now.)

Uh, yeah. Guilty.

Peep of Arc. (Peep brulé, actually.)

I am bummed I'm so pressed for time right now. I had a vision of a Peep short film. It was going to be based on Rambo, shot out in the woods. I was going to tie a tiny bandanna around my Peep's head and have him ambush unsuspecting trail poachers (it's not open yet and people aren't supposed to be riding because it messes up the trail. Surprise, some guys don't care.) But alas, actual artwork calls. A bunch of other wackos have taken the reins though. CLICK HERE to scope out the Washington Post's annual Peep diorama contest. My fav is # 22. "Cows is yum!"

In other SueNews:

There isn't any really. I've been working like crazy, but it's going awesome. I'm really happy with the pieces for this show so far. I now have only a week and a half to go, so it's total crunch time. In fact, 2 weeks from tomorrow I'll be on a plane to Texas and it'll all be over.

I'm fooling around with taking video of some of the welding. Maybe it would be interesting for people to check out on the art blog. People seem really curious about that process. Still thinking it over, but taking footage.

That's it for today. The welder is waiting.

Greatest HITS!!!

Hey people. I was going to call this post- "Megan Fox Giving Head!", just to prove my point, but didn't want to scare you away.

It's always interesting checking out my feed hits, to see what is drawing people over to my little old blog. Sadly, it's not always me and my quirky, endearing ways-- it's weird stuff. Exhibit A-- the number one draw, by a long way, to this site is this picture--- known as "sanjayaponyhawk" online. Here ya go ponyhawk freaks-- FEAST YOUR EYES!

Sanjaya has edged out the competition in recent months. It used to be the least flattering pic of me ever taken, at the state fair with a molten hot mini doughnut wedged into my mouth. Why people are googling "woman eating doughnut" is beyond me, but I've always hated that pic, and grew suspiscious someone had reposted it for some kind of weird, pervy purpose, and deleted it.

Next most popular draw is this shot of me and Pam's awesome race garb for that one kayak race we entered. Those neoprene clad racers who looked askance at our rainboots-- well, kicked our asses basically, but we did have fun. And yes Pam-- WE WEREN'T LAST! (She'd want me to make sure to point that out.)

For some reason Germany is super into this picture. Any of you Germaniacs want to weigh in on that phenomenon?

This is one I actually don't mind. I called it "fierce coat", and check it out people-- it pretty much is. People like this coat. Me too. I'm not sure if it's "me", or that version of me I always kind of wish I was-- who walks into a place and everyone mistakes for some rockstar.

I always feel a little guilty for the people who hit this looking for "gator attack" pics, but, screw 'em if they can't take a joke.

"Scary Ronald" barely got a mention in the weird wed post he appeared in, but he still gets hits nearly a year later. What's up with that? He looks like he's about to get creamed by space trash hurtling towards him. I'm glad they didn't position him to be looking at a little kid's butt or something. Creeepeeee.

Other big draws are -- from england/ireland-- "slag this that and the other", especially, oddly imo-- "driveway slag". Apparently it means "skank" over there. Yep. Didn't really know that when I named the blog. It would be like if one over here was called "skank hammer." Oh well-- that's not what it's about, so, suck it pervs. Don't go away mad, just go away.

"Sparkle vision" and "sparkle headache" are big, and so are certain song lyrics.

And all I really want is for people to just like me for ME. ~Pouts~
Oh well. It will be super funny if this is the most popular post ever, what with all this hit bait laid all over the place. Maybe I should rename the blog "Sayjayaponyhawk-rubber rainboot-fierce coat-gator attack-scary ronald -a-palooz-a!!!!"

In other SueNews:

Tip of the day: Check the mirror before you go anywhere, esp if you've been welding.

When working it gets pretty sooty in the shop, and I sometimes wind-up with black smudges on my face. Yesterday, before heading to the library, I decided it would be a good idea to rub my hands over my whole face, just for good measure, before I left to pick up a recorded book.

I forgot I'd taken my gloves off earlier and sorted through a bunch of dirty steel. So I basically created a grime 5-o-clock shadow, like some kid dressing as a hobo for Halloween. And here I thought that librarian was just weirding-out on my blue hair streak.

Glam central around here. Have a good Wed. Stay weird people.

Weird Wed is back-- kind of

Hey people. I've kind of hit the wall again as far as disturbia is concerned. A girl can only go to Axman so many times, and on recent forays I've noticed after a while all the creepy dolls begin to look the same. If you have any weirdness, send it my way.

This coat just grossed me out. I suppose it is rabbit, but there's orange in there too. God knows how many adorable animals were slaughtered for this, and I HOPE none were cats, but, there's really no telling. Blech. Why people don't gross out over fur is very strange to me. It's SKIN people.

I think we can all agree toddlers totally making out is just wrong and bad.

You can knock off, string theorists and dark matter researchers-- apparently all the answers have already been published. I'm sure home-schoolers will be quick to point out the "satanic" red and black coloring, and devil's insignia on the cover-- or is that suppose to be an atom?

The dolls are kind of all blurring together lately, but this one looked especially boozy. Maybe it's that milkaholic Lindsey from the E-trade talking baby commercials.

This book was so creepy you guys. It showed me though, why my mom's generation has always seemed so paranoid about everyone examining you and judging you. I almost bought it because it had so much in it-- how you're supposed to sit, talk, walk-- how your hair is supposed to look. It was basically a Stepford fembot owner's manual. Back in the day, I imagine the fact that this information was bound in an actual book gave it the weight of authority. Creeeeeepeeee.

I've been working away in the shop again. For those of you who think my life is 90% screwing off-- here's further proof that even when I appear to be doing nothing productive at all, I'm really working: (just go with it) My little sundress episode? I've decided I really want to make a series of sundress sculptures-- of gals playing.

You know, playing? Playfulness? My favorite quality? I'm liking it. It's a way of expressing my unicorn status too. Last night I went out with a friend and we talked about comfort zones etc and decided my ultimate zone is basically "off the market tomboy." Playing around doing outsidey stuff, joking around, being a smart-ass, etc-- basically playing with boys, as long as there is no sexual tension involved. The total little kid/ brother-sister vibe of goofing around.

Anyway, that fun of playing would be cool to try to bottle-- portray in sculptures. Here's a start.

I'm going to post more about making faces over on the art blog, probably tomorrow if anyone's interested.

Weird Wed- Where truth is stranger than fiction, or is it?

Hey people. I got a "Big Fat Liar Award" from my soon to be published pal (really-- got a book deal!) Jen Blom. I'm supposed to post 7 truths and one lie and have you guys guess the lie. In my typical, "not following the rules way" I'm posting a random number of lies and truths and it's up to you to pick which are which.

I'm also supposed to link other writers-- for that part-- check my sidebar under "writer peeps."

Are any of these true? Are any lies?

1) Despite my chronic skipping, I got very good grades in school, often making the honor role.

2) When I was young and my address was (briefly) a mustard yellow pinto wagon, I hung out with a real live timber wolf for nearly a week.

3) I once had a stalker who looked exactly like the actor Bruce Dern. In fact, I'd be very interested to know Mr. Dern's whereabouts from July 1983 to February 1984.

4) I once appeared on a high school quiz show. My area of expertise was astronomy.

5) I went to the Sturgis motorcycle rally with hubs once completely by accident.

6) Friends know me as an awesome dancer. I no longer go to bars, but at weddings I love when I get get someone else to dance with me and the floor clears so we can really show off. Hubs hates to dance but I love it.

7) I have nearly drowned 3 times. Twice in the ocean, once in the Apple River in WI. In WI I was saved by a strange boy's crotch.

8) One time, (not one of the near drowning experiences), I swam so far out in the ocean the floor dropped away and out of sight. When I looked behind me towards the beach I set-out from, the island looked small and very far away. On the way back I swam over two sharks fighting over something.

9) I'm an excellent cook, when pressed into service, even though I have ruined a number of pots and pans and even disabled a major appliance in my efforts.

10) I drove all the way to Texas once (from MN), commando, on a dare.

11) I once found a dead body. I was eleven years old. Me and a friend used to hang out in this big area behind our townhouses that was all fields and woods. One day we saw a guy sitting in the grass leaning against a tree. After spying on him for a while, we decided he was sleeping and made a game of seeing how close we could get to him. He wasn't sleeping. He'd shot himself in the head.

12) A family of complete strangers once took refuge in my living room from a knife wielding mugger in the middle of the night. I awoke to them moving my furniture around looking for places to hide.

13) I have a secret thing for sundresses. If I could get away with it, I'd wear one everyday, for a few hours at least. I also have a collection of pretty fancy high heels I never wear out in public. I just can't resist shoes. They're like crack! It doesn't matter if I can walk in them or not. I must have them!

14) I once had a job that required me to wear a white lab coat.

15) Have rescued toads, frogs, salamanders and spiders with my bare hands, but am freak-a-zilla-ishly terrified of snakes. Once, when co workers decided it would be funny to toss a rubber snake at me, I reacted by throwing my big gulp all over them. It did turn out to be funny, but not in the way they expected.

16) Once when a duck flew down our chimney I captured it with my bare hands and set it free. Not before toppling a potted plant and a ceramic horse my great grandma gave me, and the duck shitting all over the house unfortunately.

17) In high school I went into the bathroom one day and cut a whole bunch of my hair off.

18) I was once in an elevator with Jerry Seinfeld. I wanted to say something funny SO BADLY. When he pushed the lobby button I burst-out, "Don't bring me down, no-no, no-no, no-no, no-no, no-no, nooooo. Oh-wee hoo," in this kind of dorky robot-y voice. He just shifted uncomfortably and avoided eye contact while I died a silent death.

What if there were no rules?

Hey people. Today is kind of a philosophical Weird Wed. I met a guy the other day who was trying to explain his lifestyle. I have to admit, at the time he caught me I had a bunch of other stuff on my mind, so was kind of distracted and my brain was kind of fried. To top it off, his explanation involved lots of legalese. When someone says, "In 1971, the supreme court ruled bla bla bla" it's about as meaningful to me as a complex math equation.

You know what happens next right? In my brain? That's right-- this:

Anyway, what I got out of it all was that this guy does not file or pay taxes of any kind, doesn't have tabs on his truck, doesn't make house payments or credit card payments-- he's basically opted-out of the entire financial system. He claims this is all legal, because of various constitutional stuff and legal decisions etc he was quoting. He thinks the government is too big. He thinks big corporations should pay for stuff like social services. He gets his mail general delivery. He says 35 million people are living this way in the U.S.

I have no idea if this is true, or why this guy isn't in a cell or homeless. I did a quick internet search and found some wiki stuff about tax resisters/tax protesters, but still don't feel like I know anything about this. There is a chance everything this guy was saying is true. Maybe we've all been had.

I guess the interesting question to me is, say this was a viable option-- opting out-- would you take it?

Hold that thought.

I've also been having a few other interesting convos lately. Someone else I know is very upset about "capitalism." When I questioned them further about this their main beef seemed to involve the way Americans in particular have fallen into a pattern of retail therapy. He said marketing/advertising is designed to chip away at our self-esteem and make us feel unless we are able to acquire this or that thing, or brand, we're "less than", etc etc. I think this person feels large corporations are controlling everything in some malevolent way. He's trying to figure out a way to opt out.

I think many of us have felt that large corporations abuse power when they can get away with it, but they also fund major research etc. I don't like to see that unhealthy type of consumerism that bothers this guy either, and Americans can be, let's face it, kind gross in this way.

But is the free market fundamentally broken or do we just need to be more cognisant of our purchasing choices?

Hold that thought.

I also had a convo recently with someone I know who is really religious. I'm not. I'm not "anti" per-se. If someone feels they get something positive from church or whatever, good for them. It's just not my thing, and I do resent people who are pious and self-righteous. This person has a hard time understanding my thinking. If I'm not religious they tend to think I have no beliefs at all, which isn't true.

I don't believe in hell. This other person does. Their position was, of course, "it says in the bible" etc etc, but I kept after them trying to get them to think beyond their programming and they eventually said hell was something that kept people in line. That it was a consequence of not obeying the way "God" wants people to act/be.

My response was, "So, are you saying the only thing preventing you from going on a giant killing spree, or stealing everything not nailed down, or being generally a big ass-- is fear of going to hell?"
Them- "Um, ... no?"

So if there were "no rules", would there be complete mayhem or would human nature dictate some basic agreed upon, if unspoken, standards of behavior? Would group think level out at about the same point anyway?

It is so interesting to me the way people think differently about things. Right now with globalization and the internet, it feels like it could be a time of a real shift in the way people think. Long held conventions could begin to crumble. This is scary to some, exciting to others.

I like to still believe in the fabled "great society," -- where everyone contributes, and there are wonderful public works projects like parks, and an infrastructure that functions seamlessly, and the sick and old are cared for. For some reason when I think of this it's always set in either the turn of the century (not this last one, the other sepia-toned one, with the ice skating and bustles and giant redwoods), or in the distant future (you know, the one with- silver spandex jumpsuits and monorails, and jet packs, and, of course, flying cars).

I guess I would not opt out, but I also don't feel everything works perfectly.
What do you guys think about all this?

Olympic fever

Hey people. I'm going to take a ton of crap for this because almost every woman I know is actually into this aspect of the Olympics, but-- I'm sorry-- ice dancing just makes me want to puke.

Yes, I get that they're in super shape, train like crazy, sacrifice anything resembling a normal life to pursue their "sport", but, come on.

I'm pretty sure even Sir Elton John is going, "Seriously?" I've been trying to think of ways they could, I don't know-- jazz it up a little. Put a little lipstick on this pig. Perhaps have them skate through clouds of balloons? --Or have "back-up skaters", you know, like Lady Gaga has?

I'm sorry. Dancing with the stars, performed on ice, may take athleticism, and skill, but good fricking lord! Does it HAVE to be so completely effing freakish? I'm pretty sure if My Little Ponies were actual living beings, they'd somehow be herded onto the rink and included in this fiasco.

Best line ever (from a twitter pal) -- "I get to put my hand there all the time, without having to suffer the humiliation of being a male figure skater." *win*

Bitch please. What more is there to say?

This gem is from The Onion. Be sure to click to enlarge so you can navigate the complete course.

Personally, I think there should be an event that involves assembling an entire Ikea six drawer dresser in the freezing cold while onlookers mercilessly clang cowbells at you.


Should be a snap.

In all seriousness, look for "saucer running" in the next winter games. And perhaps pix/vid when I get my camera back from the repair shop this week.

I also think wood sled surfing behind an ATV would be a great addition to the games.

What imaginary sport would you invent?

Just... Weird.

Hey people. Only thing weird around here this week is me. Just not feeling it much. This episode of Weird Wed is a bit of a phoner- but it entertained me for a few minutes so maybe you'll get a kick out of it. It is actually pretty amazing.



In other SueNews:

Writing has ground to a screeching halt for no real good reason. I need to get back on it. It's just a discipline thing-- which usually isn't my issue but symptomatic of my present "off-ness."

Lot's of welding has been going on which is a good thing because I have a show in about 6 weeks. 7 I guess. About. The weldy mojo never really abandons me totally. Auto pilot mode.

Very mood-swingy this week. Short bursts of fun, broken up by bouts of inertia and feeling disconnected. Seems to be going around from what I hear. Am telling myself things will improve next week when I'm going to start running again, and writing every day.

See what I did there? Now if I don't follow through I'll begin the cycle of broken promises and berating myself. I've been there enough times to know it's way better to just do whatever it is I've committed to doing. Time to get back on track.

Where are you guys now? Everyone's bootstraps pulled up or what?

Race vid + man babies + me making an ass of myself, kind of.

Hey freaks. Fear not, Weird Wed has not been totally preempted. Hang in there. After this initial bit of business you'll get your disturbia on.

First, another mountain bike race vid from Hillside. This has gotten pretty fun for me. I'm still learning the basics, and haven't even figured the camera all the way out (which already tanked btw and has to be sent off to be fixed. Bad sign.) But, since I'm not riding right now, it's fun to watch other people hit it, plus, I love music, love tromping around in the woods, and editing footage is pretty fun too.

The more I figure out what works and what doesn't, the more creative I'll be able to be with this. It's fun to have another medium to fool around with. I've already got ideas for future projects-- an all girl vid w/b awesome, and one of purely "antics" could be really fun.

One thing I think I need is a cowbell. Some people weird-out if I don't say anything (and I'm usually just trying to not interfere w/ their ride), and others freak if I cheer them, and then they mess up. If I had a bell I could clang it before people get right to me to warn them.

I also need to be less shy about asking people I don't know to pose with their bikes etc. Basically, if you are a rider and reading this, assume I want to shoot you, so find me and say hi. :) And girl riders-- feel free to ham it up if you see me shooting in the woods in any way you feel comfortable.

Anyway, here's footage from the rescheduled Cold Bear Challenge (Skinny) Race. The music is Foo Fighters "All My Life". Kind of repetitive, but I was trying to get everybody in it, and like I said, learning curve... (if you click "watch on youtube" you can full screen it. big file version)



Okay. Way to be patient Weirdos. This is a reader submission from Slagporter Kris. There is a whole website with tons more pics if you're into this. "Manbabies" = mui creepio if you ask me.

In other SueNews:

Mah braynes iz mostly un-fried now. Enough to weld at least. Waiting a few days for the novel. That takes more cortex.

Last night me and Pam shot the "Gravity Box" at Woodland Trails. WOOOT us! This is another of those things we said we'd probably never do. The first time we saw it we were like, "How come there isn't a big pile of dead bodies down there?"

But, now that we're ruined by mountain biking, there are no more never's, and the fun just gets scarier and scarier. ~shivers~

Anyway, we did it, it wasn't even that scary. It was pretty fun. After, we were in another section approaching another caution hill and trash talking just for fun. (This is sort of a hobby of ours.) I go, "Oh good-- caution just means FUN to us, because we are that bad-ass now." And right then this guy on skate skis blew by us with a giant smirk on his face. ~Bows~ Yep. I should have known better than to feel all BIG, but, oh well.

It was pretty funny.

Get your doll on

Hey people. Couple of doll things for you today. First up is THIS LINK (sorry, pic didn't want to cooperate). It takes you to this woman's site who makes babies out of marzipan that are completely amazing. They look totally real. Not sure how she does it-- or more bizarrely why, but they are worth a look for sure. (Thanks Judy- who sent me the info.)

Next up is a video of a local punk band, "Babes in Toyland." Their wiki says their last activity as a band was a reunion tour & album in 2001, but they were kind of a big indie deal in the 90's. This vid features creepy dolls behaving badly so i knew you'd dig it. The song, "He's my thing" is kind of a preview of Feb. Kind of. Mostly it just goes with my current mood. More after the vid-- (Thanks Maery, for reminding me about this song.)

Babes in Toyland |MTV Music

In other SueNews:

I'm not into Valentine's day, but for some reason have gotten it into my head Feb should be "Gettin' It On Feb" here on the blog (because "effin' Feb" is just a little too coarse.) So all month I'll be featuring music to get busy by, along with other stuff. If anyone has any questions or wants to be set up or anything, I'll see what I can do. I'm quite the lay-relationship therapist. ;)

Writing is going good. The latest novel, "Threat Level Amber" is on track, for now.

Art is going awesome. I was wielding mondo mojo the last week or so making a little heron for a client's birthday and it came out swee--eet. You can check that out on the art blog later today.

Been kind of a tin foil beanie week around here. "I am the greatest man that ever lived..." "I suck and suck and suck and suck and suck." Probably not a bad thing I'm leaving for a few days to go pick up a car Dan bought in Fla. Poor Dan will be trapped in a car for hours and hours with head case me though. Send him good vibes. I should probably make him his own beanie.

My dumb tibia is being an ass again. I went running one day and now it hurts to walk. I'm super bummed. I'm going to go back to the doctor and try to get some better imaging done. Last time I had it checked YoungDoctorHandsome just pressed his thumbs up and down it torturing me and said, "We should have put the rod in," and turned me loose, saying, "It might always hurt." Not effing good enough. I'm pissed about this in case you can't tell.

Fri a Vid will post from the mountain bike race I went to last Sun. More Brad Sucks, who is awesome, so check it out.

Keep voting for the team name from the last post-- Team RAWR is in the lead so far.

That's it. Later peeps. Stay cool, and weird.

Weird, but cool-- and just plain weird.

Hey people. This first Weird Wed item falls into the amazing category, more than the usual run of the mill "weird" zone. A friend sent it to me, and with how helpless and kind of hopeless I've been feeling this week, it kind of came along at a good time. Check it out:

A palindrome reads the same backwards as forward. This video reads the exact opposite backwards as forward. Not only does it read the opposite, the meaning is the exact opposite. This is only a 1 minute, 44 second video and it is brilliant. Make sure you read as well as listen forward and backward. This is a video that was submitted in a contest by a 20-year old. The contest was titled "u @ 50" by AARP. This video won second place. When they showed it, everyone in the room was awe-struck and broke into spontaneous applause. So simple and yet so brilliant. Take a minute and watch it.

Maybe there is hope yet huh? This resonates more with how I usually feel about things. I think I'm just having an off week.

Something is going on tomorrow that is bound to be pretty darn weird. Some of you who only know the present day me might be surprised to learn back in my regular job days I actually took "my career" very seriously. I didn't do art, had set that aside as something I was good at but was useless, and only wrote procedural or policy type stuff. I had, like, a whole staff of people etc. At one point I had 18 employees (it was a small company, not, you know, 3M or anything).

Okay-- yeah, that was never really my style. But I was intent on being "the best," and eventually became known as someone who could fix problems. I was given the most problematic locations, and employees, at one time assigned to reprogram a demoted manager. I was all about operations (policy), and gross profit margins, and motivation.

Totally weird to me now.

Anyway, I'm supposed to get together with a bunch of ex-employees of this company tomorrow night. I have no idea if anyone there will have been from any of my staffs, or if I'll even remember them. But it will be pretty freaking weird getting tossed back into that world for a night. The blue hair is bound to freak some of them out.

Glad I can just go back to my new life afterwards.

Unexpected Texas weirdness...

Hey people. First of all let me say the ART BLOG (look right) should be up again Thurs for anyone interested in that stuff, so head on over if you want to maybe win something.

Now for Weird Wed. Remember my trip to Texas? The flatness? The sisterness? Here's some more stuff from my trip.

There is exactly one store down there (that we found) that has the kind of funky old stuff from Mexico you'd hope to find. Stuff like this awesome metal bird.

And this super cool old hand-painted cabinet. If I'd had a few grand and trailer, my whole house would be full of this stuff right now, but alas. I was limited to just looking.

But I wouldn't come away empty handed. Way back in a corner was a rack of the strangest collection of postcards I've ever seen. Some were based on Mexican bingo like these, and to be expected.

But then when I swiveled the rack I saw I had stumbled upon some really primo disurbia-- Down there people just don't get weird, don't DO weird, not intentionally. Axman would never exist down there. The only weirdness you run into is stuff like the neon flocked Christmas trees, that sadly some people think are "pretty."

I was so pumped-- behold! (you may have to click on pics to fully appreciate the bizarreness) : Prom queen laying on king sized bed of grapefruits! Next to--Giant American Flag! Flanked by - (As sis called it)-- Hot, slutty dancer wasting her efforts on clearly gay guy. And-- Some kind of skeleton apocalypse. Awesome combo, whoever arranged this!


Next we have-- Young Sean Connery reflecting on his career. Some woman trying to brainwash her child into thinking domesticity is *fulfilling*, and the future baddest-ass in his nursing home. (Give it 60 years or so...)


Wow-- those angels are total pervs. Reverse divine pedophilia? A tribute to coffee and doughnuts, and er... spoons. And for some reason-- a blood sport. 10 points of you can find any relationship at all. Bueller?


Just to remind you we're like, 20 miles form the border-- some Jesus-y stuff! (or as I keep pointing out-- It could just be some random hippy-- How do we know?) In the first one he's being fawned over by Mary (I guess) and probably his common law wife, Mary M, who he turned into a fairy, while smart alecky people like me roast in hell! (Enjoy this tableau while you can judgey pious people. I'll be annoying you well into the after-life too, from the comfort of my pimped-out cloud.)

Don't ask me what the hand is about, but there are disembodied, winged heads hovering around it. On the bottom are the Rat Pack, and of course, Poker Playing Dogs. Naturally.


Claudia Shiffer making-out with Elvis. Sis's hubs making her pick up Lego's, in the fifties (This is like an excerpt from the kind of erotic dream he'd have. Sad huh?). "Save the date Mexico"?? Some lady who has locked her kid inside a toy box and is patiently waiting for her manhattan.

The most awesome postcard ever-- if you write kid's books. I actually turned this into my Twitter avatar for now. Look at the look on the kid's face--- this is how I fantasize my writing will be someday, (but make the kid about 15)--- underground (to parents), mesmerizing (to kids), and deliciously subversive. LOVE.

Rock on peeps. Stay weird. Remember, always taking submissions.

Weird Wed is back

Hey people. Welcome back to normal life. No more holiday garbage for roughly 12 months-- Yay! Time for the weirdness to ensue! (Hang in there creepy doll people-- You're heads will explode shortly.)

One thing about living where I do that might be weird to some of you guys who live in warmer places, is that our whole way of life changes in winter-- especially our wardrobes! It can be liberating. Some days you don't have to try AT ALL. No need to bother with hair and make-up when you're just going to don your blizzard burka.

Working for myself, and not having a ton of art orders right now, (galleries are super slow this time of year) it's easy to not leave the house all day except for whatever outsidey adventure I decide to get up to (a must). There are days when I just write all day (my so far non-paying other job) and don't even get dressed until it's time to throw on the kitty hat. Glam central. (not)

When you do what I do, you can get away with rather a lot in this department. People just chuckle and go, "Oh you creative types-- so eccentric!" --Yes. It is awesome.

So when we decided to have a few friends over New Years Eve for a casual get together-- playing wii and munching etc, Dan was kind of shocked to come home and find me in this get-up. That's right-- the Gold Pants Of Awesomeness! (*tip*-- if you add "of awesomeness" to anything, it automatically increases the radness of whatever it is by 50 points. *True Fact*)

I was like-- "What?-- I'm wearing this." (it was a joke) (but I strung him along for a while) You may remember these are the same pants me and my sister changed into last Christmas, causing our Grandma's eyes to bug-out.

Here's him coming home from a hard day's work. "Uh, what the hell are you wearing?"

Poor Dan. If anyone is ancient enough to remember the old Pink Panther movies from the 70's, Dan coming home is at times comparable to Inspector Clueseau coming home to Kato. He never knows if I'll leap down half a flight of stairs and show off my pretending to kick him in the head ability in my super gal shirt or if I'll be barely responsive-- typing away in the living room.

Look, here he is a few minutes later. He literally CAN'T LOOK AWAY people. The GPOA (goldpantsofawesomeness) have him in their spell!

Shortly after this photo I went up and changed into my not quite as awesome but still pretty rad purple cords. Hey-- gotta keep us entertained right? Defeat the boringness people!

Okay okay-- I can feel you getting all impatient for your creepy dolls all the way through the internet. Here. Here, just TAKE THEM ~throws at you.

Warning-- Creepiest. Ever. (Just so no one has a heart attack-- at the very end Regan from The Exorcist appears and screams really annoyingly.)



Apparently this is a thing now. People are making their own "living dead dolls" and making music videos with them etc. Wow huh? Who'd 'a thunk?

Along the "defeating the boringness" lines-- someone sent me this link (thanks Maery)-- for the Art Sled Rally at Powderhorn Park-- Jan 31st, 1 pm. Looks like a blast to check out!
See ya Fri.

From our family to yours...

Hey people. We were going to go down and donate a bunch of toys to needy children today, but then we heard they weren't putting people on t.v. anymore, so decided it wasn't worth it. Besides, lets face it, needy children are just fucking annoying. They're so... needy. I'm sick and tired of batting their little hands away from my biggie fries and stuff.

So anyway, now that I have all this extra time I thought I should get around to writing my annual holiday letter. Here goes.

This is Dan attempting to put up lights this year. We enjoyed the magicalness for about a half-hour, then lost interest and put them away.

Mike and Tootie are still "a thing", but we've talked to them about STD's etc and they've assured us they're being smart about it. What are you going to do? I'd rather have them doing that in the safety of our house than out on the streets somewhere.

Ray is still pursuing his dream of being the light-weight extreme fighting champion of the upper midwest. I know he'd correct me and say, "No-- of the world Ma!" I keep telling him not everyone can be special. Someone's got to make the widgets. He keeps trying though, bless his little furry behind.

Dan is continuing to find new uses for his beloved headlamp, and as you can see, still eats meat from time to time.

This one day I got really irritated with him and turned him into a frog, but I had to change him back to open this one jar...

As for me, Andrew bugged me again to join MGMT, but I turned him down. Creative differences.

I'm still doing the writing thing, but let me tell you-- it's tough. People are so picky about spellin' and stuff. I mean, come on, like they don't know what I mean... For those of you thinking, "Hmm, I wonder if she's gotten an agent yet-- or been published?" Um--- yes. Yes I have, it's just under a fake name. I'm officially too good for you now, so have fun admiring me from your position outside of my posse.
(What the hell-- like they'll ever know.)

Hmm, let's see. What else? Oh-- this one day I was attacked by a gator over at the trail. Just a flesh wound though.

And this other time a giant spider tried to take a shower with me. Both of us were horrified by what we saw. The spider particularly.

Oh-- We almost bought this sink dealie at Ikea a while ago, but didn't. Maybe next year!

Other than that things have been pretty routine. You know, hanging out with friends...

Dominating the bigwheel circuit...

Just a pretty normal year.

Happy holidays. Don't be too bummed about not being able to compete with all of our family's accomplishments. Give yourself a break-- I mean seriously-- who could?

Edit to add-- I don't know how I could have forgotten to tell you this, but we also replaced the heads on our Sonicare toothbrushes this year. (try not to be too envious) There is also this big story about how one time the lint trap on the dryer got really full, but, I guess I'll have to save that for another time. Cheers!