Creepy Doll-splosion

Hey people. Last week I took my first whole day off (okay-- almost, did do a tiny bit in the evening) in ages and went on a disturbia safari with pals Linda and Jamie. I was not disappointed. It was almost like the universe was puking creepy dolls all over us!

First stop-- Axman in St. Paul, always a disturbia wonderland. Really, I don't know why people put up with all those obnoxious, loud, incontinent babies when they could just build their own super quiet well- behaved one that could be turned off with the flip of a switch. Instant babysitter!

Then there was this "display". When you're in the store, populated by hipster art geeks and sweaty, palid, hard core nerds collecting electronic components for their unibombs and fembots, stuff like this is all the more creepy. There was tons more, but I'm saving it for future posts.

Then we went to a place Linda and I had hit once about a year ago called "Hunt & Gather" in S. Minneapolis. OMG you guys-- the first thing I saw were these eyes! AAKK!

Then I turned around and saw this...

and this...

and this...

Everywhere we looked there was more creepage! I was in heaven! Check out this display with doll body parts presided over by Jesus-- or possibly some old time-y hippy. (Really-- how do we know?) Plus weird old medical beakers etc are always kind of ick... And look you guys-- globs of unattached hair! EEEEP! A masterpiece of odd!

"Mmmm, I'll have a leg!" It was endless!

If you are into weird, this place is worth the trip.

Look at the attention to detail-- the way they made the antlers pierce the pumpkins, as well as, er... the heads, the eyeless heads...

Just when I thought we'd seen it all, I found this...

and this.

It wasn't all dolls. There was other bizarreness. Look at the tag-- "He's smiling!" Sick. Clearly these people are on the same page as me. See Mom?? See??? It's not just me that's weird!

This was in the basement. Need I say more? Can you imagine being locked in this place after hours?

When they all come to life and begin shambling and floating around and hundreds of disembodied little kid voices begin chanting "Mommy, Mommy..." and crying, and wanting to be picked up? (~shivers~)

Happy Halloween week! Tune in Fri for creeptastic tunes and videos.

Weird Wed- Haunted Hair & cat wigs

Hey people. That's right- You can now get a wig for your cat. I know my own cats, who are completely covered head to toe with fur, have never really expressed the desire to have even more hair, but...

If this is something you think your cat would be into, you can now go to kittywigs.com to get your cat it's very own wig. Thanks to Trusty Pam for this disturbia find.

So, the other night Dan and I had one of our weirdest arguments ever. Keep in mind we were especially wound-up for some reason. He'd already shoved a bag of moldy hamburger buns in my face, which we then had a stale bun pillow fight with.

Yes. We're both really weird I guess. Moldy buns and horseplay entertain us for up to fifteen minutes, and in my case, even longer.

So we were watching this show where a guy had to spread his wife's ashes, and he reached into the urn and began doing it by hand. I grossed-out. I said I would not want to actually touch the ashes, even if they were his, because they were dead body ashes. Ewe. He said there was no difference between those ashes and others.

I said, "So if I had wood ashes in one urn, and incinerated dog poop in the other, you wouldn't care which one you stuck your hand in?"

He goes, "Well, I'd have to see them first."

Me- "Really? REALLY? There's actually a scenario where you'd go, 'Those dog poo ashes do look a little more appealing. I'd much rather touch them?'"

Clearly another win for me imo.

This led to a big discussion of all the things I refuse to touch like disembodied hair & dryer lint (It's rank. Dead skin cells galore people!) Once hair or skin or whatever is not attached-- keep it the heck away from me. Gross. So the video below featuring a haunted house, weird zombie-ish lesbian (?) hair-covered models, and piles of attacking hair is definitely Halloween fare to me.

I'm combining Weird Wed and Fav Music Fri this week because fri will be a tmi-filled anniversary post, possibly with embarrassing pictures. We'll see.

Enjoy Peaches' "Talk To Me."



Have a good Wed. Rock on peeps.

Weird Wed-WTF, Europe?

Hey people. Okay, I kind of get Europe's obsession with "slag". After all, perv's live on every continent I'm guessing, but this one just baffles me. For some reason I'm getting tons of European hits off this photo-- from me and Trusty Pam's kayak race. Remember?-- me getting my butt kicked by a kiss blowing old lady? Yeah.

Whatever Europe. You freaks. (Except you Jen & Kerri. & Shawn. :) )

The photo below was a reader submission from Karen. It's from a news story about a giant turtle orgy causing airport delays in Jamaica. Not so adorable now are they? And what's up with the numbers? Is this some kind of turtle speed dating gone wild?


Probably my favorite and most disturbing (by far) submission in a long time came in from Slagporter Kris-- who's every bit as weird as me-- more so actually. I kind of copied this right off the Cracked site, so it would be great if you'd all check out the link at the end of this preview to show them some love and alleviate my guilt.

I remember seeing that book he's talking about-- about the psycho stalker mom and the hopelessly screwed-up mommy boy manbaby. I'm pretty sure it was someone I know VERY well's hubs's bedtime story growing up (well, sort of growing up.) EWE is all I can say. EWE and laughing hysterically.

10 Great Books For (Traumatizing) Children

• By: Michael Swaim
• April 21st, 2009
• 416,909 views

Originally, I wanted to write this article because of a book read to me when I was a child called Love You Forever, about a mom who rocks her son to sleep every night of his life.

And I mean every night. When he’s middle aged, she drives to his house while he’s sleeping, climbs through his bedroom window with a ladder, picks him up and rocks him in her lap. I’m assuming he never marries, because, well, let’s not kid ourselves.

Then when his mom is old and bedridden, he returns the favor by rocking her in his lap and screaming “YOU MADE ME THIS WAY!” Sure, the message was one of a mother’s undying love, but as a child all I understood was “Mommy is a crazy stalker, and one day she’ll die.”

But even that macabre tale of parental breaking and entering was swiftly booted off the list by these 10 atrocities. Brace yourselves; we’re talking Giving Tree levels of disturbing here.

#10.

Hiroshima No Pika

The Screwed Up-edness:

As all Westerners know, exactly one important thing happened in Hiroshima. And yes, this book for kindergartners is about that. According to the author, the book is based on a true account of a woman leading her child out of the A-Bomb’s blast radius while carrying her wounded husband on her back. According to the picture on the cover, it’s about women running topless through a sea of blood.

What Were They Thinking?

“Too long have the people of our country felt bewildered sorrow whenever they think of Hiroshima. We must help the new generation come to terms with an event that is, like it or not, a part of our history.”

What Kids Who Read It Think:

“Men from the sky can kill us, our friends and our family at any time. Also, fuck America.”

#9.

Who Cares About Disabled People?

The Screwed Up-edness:

If you’re not already convinced this book was a terrible idea, try reciting the title at a cocktail party and see if you don’t get beat down. And while the book’s answer to the question is actually “we should ALL care about disabled people,” the people it considers “disabled” include fat kids, kids who huff paint, alcoholics, athletes and child prodigies (you know, because they’re so lonely). Maybe I’m not as tolerant as I could be, but the day I see a drunken, paint-huffing basketball prodigy park in a handicapped spot is the day I get arrested for vehicular manslaughter.

What Were They Thinking?

“If kids learn to see that everyone has their own unique imperfections, they will realize that intolerance harms us all.”

What Kids Who Read It Think:

“Great, I’m surrounded by cripples. And you can get high by huffing paint? Who knew? Me, now. Awesome.”

GO HERE to see the whole top ten list and probably ton of other funny stuff.

In other SueNews:

Ribs are still being an A-hole.

Have worked for three days on the face for my new sculpture and have just decided she has dude-chin and I'm super pissed and him/her. Major reconstructive surgery is scheduled for this morning. Absurd levels of profanity expected.

Am still crabby in case you can't tell. Was overheard by Dan saying, "Oh yeah?-- Eff you, world at large," which amused him greatly. I'm really not as hostile and vile as I'm making out. Just milking it a bit. Don't be frightened. ;) (Perhaps a bit perversely, this makes me feel better- making a big stink about nothing. Some people I know are going through absolute hell right now, serious shit. Whistling through the graveyard I guess, and feeling bad for them.)

Have still not heard from AgentCoolAssChicka, but I am way too busy to become a super famous author right now anyway, so am not all that concerned. Perhaps my aloof detachment to this whole sitch will lure her. That would be ironic huh?

Seeing some arty gal pals tonight. Will try to keep a lid on the profanity, and, you know, work harder at being a total delight to be around (like I usually am).

Weird Wed Returns!

Hey people. This was one of the first things I saw at Second Hand Rose's in buffalo last week. I love this place so much I want to make out with it. It is always, always at least as weird as me and that is a rare quality.

I looked and looked for Little Mister Sunshine. Finally I asked Rose about him and she said, (as if all this was completely normal)- "Oh, he's at home today. He wouldn't sit on his horse the right way, so I went with heads this month." I HEART her so bad you guys.

The woman is a genius. I want to be her when I grow up except we all know that will never happen.


I was so bummed when I loaded this one this morning because I super want a marching band hat. I was so mesmerized by the weirdness I totally overlooked the hat itself. Maybe it will still be there next month.

Okay, This one might be just me. But come on people-- the blank staring eyes? The poking out butt? It's a little creepy somehow.

I guess when your hobby is taxidermy you're kind of up for stuffing anything.

You know what they say-- you have to hump a lot of frogs...

Once again I'm baffled by the ways of academia.

All I can say is yes, "no pants" usually = somehow cooler.

In other SueNews: Tahdahhhh! Letters! Behold the sign for my open house Aug 2nd. Glittery red paint = cool too.

Also I've arranged to set up a tent and schlep my wares at a couple of bike races this month at the trail. I'm experimenting with a den of iniquity theme-- having a cool little hang out area with treats and relaxy chairs etc. Hopefully the mtb crowd will think my bike gear pendants = cool.

If anyone wants to come visit me, the first race (a ride and run duathelon) is at Hillside park in Elk River (behind Walmart) Sat morning. Remember, me, free treats, the chance to see numerous mtb nutballs go flying over jumps etc, could be fun.... Race starts at 9:00 a.m. Probably will wrap-up around 1:00.

For all those of you who've asked about how I am after my gnarly crash last week-- thanks, and I'm pretty much fine. I may have removed the caution tape a little prematurely though. Had a bit of a rib setback, but that's already doing much better too. I was trying to proceed as normal after the first day because I didn't want to get stiff, and I think stuff heals faster is you move around, blood flow etc. I did, er, let's just say something I should not have, that basically made my eyes practically pop out of my head. I think a rib kind of moved out of place, but it popped back when I went running and took some really deep breaths.

It sucked the day it was messed up though because Dan kept trying to crack me up, making me laugh in a reedy, fat-lady-who-just-sucked-on-helium-balloons laugh in agony.

I hope to be back on Penny in a few days. Meanwhile I'm getting used to running in the heat.

Stay weird people. See you Friday, and tomorrow over on the art blog. :)

Weird Wed Grab Bag

Hey people. Welcome to Weird Wed-- The reader submission edition!

First up is everyone's favorite category- creepy dolls. This is a "Leather Face" Texas Chainsaw Massacre doll. Except I believe the grown men that play with such dolls insist they're "action figures." (pushes glasses up bridge of nose) After working in a leather apron and long pants all day yesterday in the heat (105 heat index here) I can tell you I understand what drove poor old Leather Face to such mayhem. There was probably just one too many people pissing him off and the chainsaw was just handy is all.

OK- the next half dozen are from a mother/son slagporter team who made their flea market outing a disturbia sighting expedition. Now see? -- This blog is all about family values people. I keep telling everyone that.

No doubt these shifting weirdovision eyes following
your every move were creepier in RL.

For those of you who scoffed at my warning about
the government's new barcoding program...

I wish someone would make bobbleheads of my family,
based on our most awkward family photo...
Okay, it would still be no contest.

When will people heed the "This is not a toy" warning? When?
Oh- It's just a doll, thank God.
This is the worst marketing campaign on record-
The "Hey Culligan Man" blow-up doll, doll.
Just don't ask people.

If you think these puppets are creepy just wait...
Although I do like the mouse or whatever it is
trying to get our attention in the background.
"Help- We're suffocating!"

You just can't have too many disembodied heads.
This is apparently Paul Newman's love child.

Thanks Kris and Ryan, for those very disturbing images. (scrubs at eyes with borax)

Next up is the creepiest puppet show on the web sent by a slagporter who I'm not sure, may want to remain anonymous, so I'll just say she's one of my favorite Wisconsinites. If she wants to claim credit in the comments-- be my guest Karen-- Oh crap! Well, sorry. Cat's out of the bag now. Anyway, someone is taking portraits of little kids and photoshopping them into puppets so check out that link. Very fembot-esque.

And lastly but certainly not leastly-- a submission from the power pants borrowing photog extraordinaire, Brenda. I haven't been able to quit thinking about this since she sent it to me. It is hilarious as well as disturbing. A MUST watch.



Well freaks, that's it for today. On an unrelated note let me just say deer and horseflies and 95 degree weather, plus cramps are as good an argument against nuclear proliferation as I've ever heard. (All of these plus Sue = BOOM.)
See ya Fri- stay weird people.

Weird Wed- "Has anyone seen Jerry?"

Hey people. Another month, another daring adventure for "Little Mister Sunshine", and more disturbia unearthed in Buffalo by me and BuddyLinda.


I know people. I can hardly believe my eyes either. Rose @ Second Hand Rose has an even bigger grasp of the whole weird and creepy doll thing than I do. The woman is a disturbia virtuoso.

I had to actually wait for some lady to put this down to snap the pic. I'm betting someone bought this.

Ah yes, the ever popular head on a platter. Usually the garnish gets overlooked. Not this time my friend.

Here we have a little safari theme going. I love that someone shoved daisies in the antelope's mouth.

Paris Hilton's baby picture. (This is the vainest baby I've even seen you guys. God, take a picture baby!)

Prom of the living dead drenched girls.

This is kind of gross-- fur and all, but doesn't look all that weird at first glance right?

Take a closer look-- it's made from a horse people! A friend of mine (who will remain nameless, but did once make a guest appearance as a polygamy wife) told me her grandpa had a blanket made of his beloved milk horse Jerry. It became a treasured and cozy family heirloom and every winter they'd look for it asking -- "Hey, who had Jerry last?"

That is so going in a story at some point. Watch what you tell your writer friends people.

Tell me the truth people-- does this purse make my butt look big? (I asked the lady at Costco that about their Attack Of The 50' Woman sized shopping carts but she didn't think it was funny, just looked at me weird. That's ok. Fringe status maintained.)

Ok-- I was pretty excited about this fringe girl sighting. This is a candid shot I took of them as I walked by casually humming. I don't have one of those fancy cell phone cams so this wasn't as easy as one might suspect. My camera is huge and makes this big clicking noise. I was so jealous of their hats! (I like how the photo looks like they just knocked off a bank too. )

I didn't even notice one was wearing a leopard print skirt! They have totally raised the bar for me and Linda now. Next month we're going to have to give some serious thought to our outfits.

That's it for this week's weirdness. More in the bullpen for next week though so stay tuned.