Me

Hey people. It's a little rainy and gloomy this morning and I'm a little tired to jump right into rocking-out. Lately I've had a few conversations with friends about brains- brain chemistry actually, and patterns of behavior, and being our own worst enemies.

Sometimes we are, and sometimes we have to just give ourselves a hug and say, "Oh honey- it's gonna be okay," and love ourselves and our messy lives despite everything. It is a pretty amazing experience after all-- living in these bodies in this world.

Enjoy on of my very favorite songs, "Me" by Paula Cole.



In other SueNews:

I'm plotting and strategizing for the Minneapolis Urban Assault Ride at the end of Sept. Check out THESE PICS from the St. Louis version. I think Trusty Pam and I are in for a nutty time. Finally something is happening that is as wild and weird as I always wish things were. I'm kind of nervous about riding in city traffic, but it will be a Sunday morning, so probably not too bad. Looking at tons of maps and planning our course.

Mountain biking is going good. I've been riding alone all week because Pam has been tied-up (See? Really-- no one else will play with me. Tragic isn't it?) I started timing myself. Yes I'm kind of competitive-- even though I suck. I can ride the whole trail in an hour- but can't actually RIDE everything. There are parts where I have to get off and run the bike. The stuff I can ride though I'm trying to go fast and really ride the crap out of. I'm also getting a tiny bit better each time, figuring out how to get through the challenging stuff. Eventually I'd like to be able to ride the whole thing-- something I've never said before thinking it was impossible. It still might be, but I'm willing to contemplate becoming good enough eventually.

The quality of the fun is different now. I used to feel like a little kid zooming down the hills yelling "Weee!" etc. Now I'm back to flying down most of them without brakes, and it's fun, but now it's tinted with knowing what can go wrong. It's a little more of a grown-up thrill I guess.

This all goes back to the brain conversations I had with a good friend earlier in the week. I know all this physical activity is my "meds", and all the thrilly nutty stuff does something for me too, like a fix. I've always called stuff like that an energy buzz. It's just how I navigate my life, along with forging relationships and being creative.

What's the juice that keeps you going?