The April Fools

Hey people. Yesterday was me and Dan's 28th anniversary, although, as my mom would be quick to point out, only of being a couple, not of being married. I don't split marital hairs. We were living together before we even started dating, were "just friends" for a few years before that. We've been together forever, and to me that's worth noting.

One thing that's awesome about having been together for this long, is that the other person knew you when, so they remember how awesome you were when you were young and hot.

Exhibit A: Here I am in all my 18 or 19 year-old glory. (Hey, it was the eighties people. Don't judge me.) Note the ashtray behind me to the right of the pic. Yep-- smoking, at my grandma's house, at Christmas. That's-- how badass I was. I look pretty happy about all my rebel-y-ness don't I?

Yep, when Dan and I started out the good times were rolling pretty much 24-7 (I had 2 modes-- working, and partying.). Here I am on my Dad's boat. Again, it was the eighties. Check out my hair-- rockin'.

Here's Dan in a friend's basement we used to party with all the time. I used to like it when he didn't shave because he looked... older than 12. Seriously, he has these super intense dark eyes. My friends all have noticed this. ~Sigh~

I've only recently concluded one of the key things about Dan that drew me in, besides a sudden, undeniable, overpowering attraction, was that he was always 100% accepting of me. I always had, since about age 16, this deep drive to do kind of crazy things. I was a major thrill seeker. He never scolded me, or acted jealous of the time I spent with my nutball friend of the moment, or seemed to have any expectations of me beyond loyalty. Me, just being me, was good enough.

That is a bigger deal than it sounds like, because I can be really fun, but also a lot of work. Alone together we were like these secret animals, that could play and tease, but also have these super deep, honest talks-- mostly me talking and asking him all kinds of probing questions about things that had never occurred to him before, about our true natures etc.

When we'd hit a rough patch, especially after the first 5 years, there was never any angst about whether we'd make it or not. Resolution was the only option. If one of us is unhappy, it isn't fixed yet. This takes a lot of work, a lot of talking, and wrestling towards happiness, but we decided it was worth it.

He's never tried to change me. When I quit school he never strung the words "wasted potential" together. When I was fat for a few years (and yes-- FAT. 173 on my birdy frame is Mama-Cass-choking-on-her-sandwich fat.), he never once said, "You sure you want to eat that?" When I was really ambitious about my job he cheered me on. When I wanted to go to welding school he didn't blink. When I wanted to scrap my furniture design plans and just make art he just said, "If that's what it takes to make you happy." He remembers what I was like, way back when, that whole different version of me, and thinks I'm way more awesome now.

Even though I usually look like this.

Last week I found THE PERFECT song for us, for right now. I played it over and over. He likes it too, because it's about a lifetime, and that layer of separation between your primary relationship and the world, and getting older and that being okay.

Enjoy "The Story" by Brandie Carlile. (Sorry about the ad. The size of the vid is for high def and the screen doesn't fit right. Couldn't figure out how to get rid of it.)