Pretend Boyfriends Are Best Of All...

One of the funniest things I've heard lately was a friend's account of going away to a knitting retreat with a group of women who were mostly strangers (this has been fictionalized somewhat to protect the not so innocent) and they wound up downloading pics of their pretend boyfriends off the internet and having a photo session where they put the guy's pic on the pillow next to them in bed! And we're not talking twenty-year-olds here -- actual grown women.

There has also been a ton of chatter all over the interweb about the star of the new Twilight (Twi-crack) movie Rob Pattison. Females are going berserk over this guy. While he is a little too pretty for me, and I'd feel, frankly, pedophilic having any kind of attraction for him beyond acknowledging his symmetry-- It is official. Women overwhelmingly are into having fictional romances.

Some of you may know of Dan Auerbach's hopelessly futile giant crush on me...

That's not what I'm talking about here though. For one thing that's real (ahem), and for another, (I know this is painful Dan, and I'm sorry honey) but it's unrequited, because see-- I already have a Dan.

What I'm talking about are all of our pretend boyfriends. For instance-- Every Wed I have a regular gig that prevents me from being home so Dan must religiously record a certain show (Criminal Minds) for me so I don't miss a single onscreen instant with one "Dr. Spencer Reed".

Oh the crap I have taken. Yes-- he's totally dorky, but there's just something about him. I generally like my pretend boyfriends a little roughed-up, or else slapped silly with the weird applicator brush. But check this out-- (scroll down) (and sorry these are in tiny-vision-- I'm techno-impaired apparently)
Now see??? Not bad at all. Under his nerdish veneer lurks a lanky hottie.

And OMG! Can I pick them or what?!

This was my last pretend boyfriend, but I had to break-up with him when his show got cancelled.

Dave Grohl is kind of a back burner guy for me. We're pretty much just friends, although he did once say, "Dammit! If only I wouldn't have married Jordan-- who-- although she is much younger than you, and hotter, and er.. willing to have children-- sadly lacks your ping pong skills and hang-a-bility. You would have been the perfect woman for me otherwise." Then he gave me wistful look, weighing the options he imagined he had.
I just shook my head and said, "Oh Dave-- You're so silly."
Ok-- I know you're out there and I KNOW you have them. Don't leave me hanging. Who are your favorite pretend boyfriends/husbands (or hey-- girlfriends-- whatever)?

Oh-- for those of you who've seen the link up top and been like "what's twitter"? it's basically a real time mini blog where you can get up to the minute updates on other fascinating goings on in sue-life like the battle of wits between me and my AssFat, and other late breaking Sue-news. Sign on yourself and "follow" people, chat and hang out. It's not like we have lives or anything right?