A not so brief history of Sue & Dan

Hey people. Today is me and Dan's 16th anniversary-- although since we lived together for 10 years before getting all official-- I'm calling it big 26. Over the years, astounded friends and family members have questioned just how I managed to get so lucky, and how we've held this thing together all these years (duct tape, old coat hangers, and twist-ties mostly). I thought maybe if I went all the way back to the beginning I could provide a few insights on just how you pull off "happily ever after."

Back in the early Seventies, somewhere in St. Paul MN, young Daniel Seeger spent most of his time doing "boy stuff"-- building stilts so tall he had to get on the garage roof to get on them and walking around the neighborhood, building forts, smashing up his bike performing various stunts, doing stuff like this---

--broken up by occasional emergency room visits.

Meanwhile, back in the early Seventies, Little Suzie Westley (moi) spent most of her time doing, well... her own thing. I was a bit of a tom-boy with a twist, so I liked building forts, playing around outside, and sometimes dressing animals in costumes.

"Come and get it ladies." Despite this rather Leif Garret-ish shot of young Dan, he was mostly goofy and funny, and extremely nice, especially to animals and littler kids.

Meanwhile little me was goofy, funny, almost obsessed with animals and being outside. I think I was pretty nice too. I know I did not like mean stuck up kids at all, or boys who thought they were really great and picked on other kids.

Fast-forward to the Eighties (thank God right?) Young Dan's hijinks caught up with him when he broke his leg skiing. It was actually turned around backwards with the ski still on. He still has a rod in it. He also, disturbingly?- dated a series of brown-haired, curly-headed Sue's. (wtf Dan??? Have a type much?)

I, on the other hand, observed my friends becoming increasingly OBSESSED with boys.

Here's where we need to psychoanalyse a bit: I've since discovered many many women were like this- obsessed-- because their heads got kind of messed up from having low self-esteem & not enough daddy-attention. I had a really great dad. The things that screwed-up my head left me with a certainty that safety was not to be automatically found in a guy. Actually, more often than not, the threat originated from a guy-- especially one who liked you too much.

Guys were like nitro- incredibly destructive, and unstable. Since I could open my own jars, did not expect anyone to take care of me or protect me, and boys had proven to be unwilling to be deployed as weapons to vanquish my enemies or otherwise do my bidding, they were mainly to be cautiously avoided.

This was deeply disappointing to me, because I'd always really liked them. Growing up my very bestest friend was a boy.

I wound-up needing boyfriends though- to deter other guys. (Sorry Sue's ex-boyfriends. I didn't mean to use you.) This was #2 (#1 was a very creepy and ultimately dangerous stalker. This was before anti-stalking laws. That is basically a novel length story.)

#2 was "dreamy", according to my friends. To me he could be fun at times, got me into a lot of parties, and was a containable threat. He wasn't actually a cabbie, he just thought this looked cool. He wasted about a year and a half on me.

This is #3, a guy we're actually still friends with today. He used to get baked beyond belief and do advanced calculus. We spent tons of time smoking pot in his room. I think we both just liked being a pair to make things more hang-outable with the circle of friends we hung with. Dan was in this circle too. #3 was really nice, and we hung out for about a year and a half before I broke-up with him, ON Valentine's day at El Torito. I didn't tell him then, but I'd developed a huge crush on Dan. It wasn't fair to stay with him while having the complete hots for another guy.

Dan and I did the "just friends" thing for about six months before getting together. By then the gravitational pull was so strong our first kiss lasted about 5 hours (not even kidding). We were already living together with a couple other people in an apartment. We've been together ever since. I was nineteen, he was 20.

I wanted to interview Dan about our relationship, but not surprisingly, he wouldn't cooperate.

So I guess explaining everything will be up to me. Dan has this weird ability to pull the love through me out into the world. He's just essentially good. Can you see it? (That is my nephew- We have no kids by choice.)

How about now? Look at those eyes. There isn't one thing fake about him. My mom once told someone "Sue didn't wind-up with Dan because she needed him-- She picked him." That's true, but I think I needed him on another level that didn't have to do with the usual ways girls need guys. I think I needed him to be by my side, next to me as I did my own thing, letting me be me.

We like the same things.

We are both in love with the world.

Usually trying new things is my idea, but he'll go along with almost anything, and maddeningly be better at it than me. This was his first wheelie attempt in about 35 years.

But he stood there for nearly an hour cheering me on and taking a bazzilion pictures of me trying and trying and trying before eventually pulling off some tiny, inches-high wheelies. This was around my 45th birthday last summer. He could have rolled his eyes and made a bunch of mid-life crisis cracks, but he didn't. Inside we're both still the same kids.

I've gotten more comfortable over the years with letting him take care of me in the traditional ways. "Being the man."

Now it's practically my fall-back position. "A giant spider-- SAVE ME!"

And he lets me be "the girl",

but in my case, you never really know what you're going to get day to day, and he's fine with that. He doesn't always get me-- no one on Earth including me does-- but he accepts me.

This was taken a day we spent on the river together in the kayaks last summer. Delusionally I wore a bikini because I thought I could pull it off. When the pics came out of the camera I was really bummed. I'm not fat, but nature pulls this dirty trick as you get older of making your skin just not as taught as it's always been. God did I feel old and ridiculous! But Dan still took a bunch of shots of me, some kind of pervy ones when I wasn't looking, and all day made me feel like the hottest chick around. Now that's love.

We want the same things out of life. We routinely crack each other up. We talk about problems.

I sent him a questionnaire about us. He filled it all out and sent it back to me. See? Still appeasing me after all these years. (sighs) One of the questions was, "If I got all gross would you still love me?" He said, "Of course. I'd get all gross with you."

In the end I guess I'm still not sure how I lucked-out. I guess since I wasn't desperately searching I didn't just cling to the first guy to come along who wanted me. That gave the universe time to get us together. He claims he knew I was "the one" as soon as our giant make-out session/first kiss. Before that even, all I knew was I wanted to spend all my time with Dan. There was a very strong magnetic pull to him I didn't understand but couldn't ignore.

It's still almost the only thing that really matters in my life. If everything else went away, (and sometimes it feels like that is about to happen- when I feel all unhinged like I'm going to get swept away and disappear) I'd still have that, and be okay. Dan keeps me anchored, and makes my life happier and better.