So far my birthday is aweome sauce!

Hey people. So this is what it looks like--my version of the official mid-forties. I scaled back my original overly-bold birthday goal of flying off a big jump, but did make good on learning how to do a modest wheelie.

Here I'm getting all "ready". Yes- I'd be one of those people who swing their arms a bunch of times before jumping off a cliff etc. I need to feel all ready before I perform darey stunts. This could be a rationalization, but I kind of think I should get some kind of extra credit, because although I have the whirring flywheel/ relentlessly spinning clockwork thing inside that makes me always want (need) to find adventure, I'm kind of a chicken too. So I basically do stuff in spite of the fact I'm scared, not because I'm fearless.

Yesterday I took Dan over to the trail with a bike for the first time. In typical Dan style he WAY out-dared me, and in his typical sickening fashion took to it like a duck to water, riding even harder parts for the first time as if it was no biggie at all.

We wound up going from the trail to the bike store and getting him his own mountain bike for his birthday, which is in a week. I'd attribute this to my amazing Svengalli-like vibes, but mountain biking is pretty fun, and- not to brag, but I'm pretty fun to hang out with, and this gives us another thing to do together. So it was kind of a no-brainer once he tried it.

Oh, of course he out-wheelied me too-- even though I have been practicing for weeks and he hasn't done one since he was, like, 10. He sucks. No, he's awesome. (pouts, but is proud of him.)

But check out my daring wheelieness people! Come on! Woo Hoo!

I've decided I'm going to live well into my 120's. I figure by the time I get super old, medical science will have cured a whole bunch of stuff, plus I'm going to continue doing all the active stuff I enjoy, so should be in pretty good health. That means my actual middle age would be more like 55 to 75. Right? RIGHT???

Ok, yeah, it's all relative. To anyone under 35 I'm "old" now, but hey-- to dudes like Mick Jagger I'm still young hot stuff and hopelessly out of their league!

Seriously though, I've been a lot of different ways in my life. Sometimes when I'd leave one phase for another I'd think the "old me" had to be kind of killed off. That nakedly naive vulnerable girl who wound-up attracting predators? -- She had to go. That super tough girl who replaced her-- She had to go too. Workaholic-- scratch. Adict-- scratch.

I spent most of my thirties looking, almost frantically, for the cool side of the pillow. I'd evolved. I'd followed my bliss-- become an artist, shed my destructive vices, and had a good marriage. Wasn't I supposed to be all zen and shit now? Why did I still have all that restless pent-up energy? And still go through black moods that almost crushed me at times?

Now I think i get it. In the last couple years I'm learning to just roll with it all a little better. All those old selves-- the joking around kid, the super raw, honest, unarmored girl, the tough chick, the rocker, the creative, the nutball-- they're all me. I guess I'm just getting more and more me all the time. More paradoxical even.

And, uh, yeah, more and more older. :) But that's OK. I'm not done yet.

Come to my comment section party if you want. Already today has been so cool! My amazing niece called to say happy birthday and my grandma too-- who is 94! Many of my super cool friends (I am so lucky you guys) have checked in, and my sis of course. My neighbor even gave me this cool card she made with a weird doll on it, and a plant. :) I am FULL of awesome vibes. (hugs self) Thanks everyone!

Today I went mountain biking first thing and went down a hill I've been too scared to ride until today (woot me). Later I'm going for a picnic with both of my parents, and even later, hooking up with the ever Trusty good pal Pam for a nice run.

Here's hoping your day is as good as mine. :)