Round Two...

Ok-- I PROMISE not to do this every day, but I'm a little obsessed right now. Taking another crack at my query pitch for anyone who'd like to weigh in. The comments from yesterday's post were so helpful.

Here's my revision based on that feedback:

Dianna has a secret. She’s about to turn eighteen but really can’t imagine making it through another year. She sees ghosts she tries to ignore, but it only makes them more aggressive. She isn’t entirely sure she’s sane, is too terrified to let anyone know what’s going on, and is so sick of the Motel Hell her life has become, she’s already half checked-out.

When she’s dragged off to a hippy hideaway to spend the summer with her mom, she’s less than thrilled. But there she’ll meet the people who will teach her to connect, and maybe even save her life-- if she’ll let them.

While trying to avoid both the living and the dead she stumbles onto Dave, and strikes up an unlikely, anti-social alliance. Drawn to his broody ways and sardonic humor, he soon becomes her best friend-- but it’s complicated. For one thing—he has no idea he’s dead. When she discovers his true identity—her dad, missing since before she was born-- her determination to solve the mystery of his disappearance and insistence on keeping him a secret could cost her her life.

In other Sue-news: We discovered a new obscure muscle group on Dan last night-- the exasperated eye roll reflex inhibitors. I'm guessing roughly 22 small muscles are involved. The upper part of his face was actually pulsating with effort! Last summer I discovered the seldom seen thumb biceps (picture someone making little muscle-man arms with their thumbs). I talked to him about over training, made sure there were no steroid issues. He's clean, just very, very strange.

Today will be spent writing -- working on first draft of #2, continuing to think about my query pitch for #1, and of course, participating in the obsessive email , twitter, and blogger checking cycle of procrastination. Thanks in advance to anyone who throws their two cents on the comment pile. :D