What A Tool . . .

Ok-- Let's review. This is a slag hammer. It's used to knock off the crusty, burnt, molten steel residue found on the edge of cuts. This is done by whaling on the edge of said cut until this pesky "slag" is dislodged. Given the abuse this piece of equipment endures, I really can't imagine why anyone would want it compared with a tender, and yes, vital part of their anatomy.

Imagine my surprise when THIS came up on my Google alerts.
"J' accuse Urban Dictionary!" For the uninitiated, Urban Dictionary is a kind of wikipedia dictionary of mostly kid-speak, where anyone can go online and contribute to the zeitgeist of amercian slag. It also exists in print form and you may have seen it in the writing section at ye old brick and mortar book store.

It's a fun read. As a writer I'm fascinated with words and unusual twists in language, and I've been "all-up-in-there with the cromulent, crunk-ass jibber-jabber", but Urban Dictionary, if you're going to start including anything some dude decides to name his unit-- you've jumped the shark fellas.

First of all, and I mean no offense to you dudes out there, but really, your units aren't all that super compelling. I mean, literally about half the people on Earth have them... and if you must continually come up with metaphors, allow me to throw some suggestions out there, because I'm not giving you slag hammer. Back the eff offa' dat one.

If you like the "tool" thing, how about this? It's even got a bad-ass flame job, and it looks like it has interchangeable heads. Now that would be a handy feature!

Or perhaps this-- it's even called a "reamer." Not even kidding. That's what it's called.

Come on, like you haven't secretly thought of this one all on your own anyway...

The french have quite a rep as randy swordsmen. How about this?
Women are generally fond of carbs...

This one comes up from time to time...

As long as we're visiting the food world, how about this number? I mean, really...
Just look at that thing. I'm just sayin'.

So, we clear Urban Dictionary? No more gankin' my slag hammer. I'm Heismanning that little move effective immediately. Nopers my friend. Fives on that one. Peace out homies. I'm outie.