More Creepy Dolls

Hey people. This lady may look horrified...

But this one is screaming, "beeep beeeep! Back the effing truck up! This is def NOT how I pictured my life turning out! Buck nekkid standing in a giant petrified grandma candy next to a bunch of freakishly huge pencils?! This has got to be some kind of bad dream!"

Here are her gelatinous kids, freshly hatched from their Invasion Of The Body Snatcher pods, and their pet pig, who for some reason is wearing a hat... yeah...

And these are their cousins. I know, hard to believe there could even BE an ugly sister in this scenario, but there you have it.

Here's a whole vat of them, still fresh and jiggly... Good lord- did kids actually play with these hideous things? Almost as gross as actual babies.

"Okay- the last thing I remember is setting my glass on the bar for a second to dig my cell out of my stoopid purse. Now I've woken up in this cardboard coffin wearing nothing but giant ruffle shorts (that aren't at ALL sexy) and these weird nurse shoes, next to a... wtf?-- dentist chair?!"

A rare photo of Casper's shotgun wedding.

Hey! A dog show! I love those!

Wow. Tonto really looks upset. We won't go into all the possible reasons relating to the insensitive use of Native American stereotypes, or why the toy company decided to make his hands so... ready to grab a pole, or something... Because we know the real reason he's so bummed is that--

His nephew Jerry is coming to visit. Does this kid look like a total smart ass or what? I can't make him say anything that doesn't come out in an Elmer Fudd voice.

On an unrelated note. My buddy Danger Josh has this thing he calls wolfshirtfriday, which pretty much entails wearing a wolf T-shirt to work on Fri. This is his latest wolfy accquisition:


Here is just one of the reviews of it on Amazon-- Read the whole thing-- WORTH IT.


13,700 of 13,826 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Dual Function Design, November 10, 2008

By	B. Govern "Bee-Dot-Govern" (New Jersey, USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.

I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.

Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.

You can find more hilarious reviews HERE. Apparently this shirt has amazing chick magnetizing powers. (eyes go all spiraly as I begin to fall under its spell) (slaps self in face-- whew! Close one!)

Also-- I've recently awesomeized my Time Suck Central Section-- Adding some stuff like Josh's blog- "The Danger Files"- found in the new category- "Other Rad and Cool Peeps" Check them all out. They're all rad, and y'know... cool and stuff. Untold lunch hour's worths of entertainment. Really, this is a one stop shop of awesomeness n'est pas?

Oh!- almost forgot. If you want to make me feel all popular and stuff you can now sign up to be a "follower". I think if you do you need to start sending me 10% of your income or something-- I don't make the rules-- or wait, maybe now I DO... Wow, I have a lot of stuff to think about. Catch you all later. (Goes shopping for flowing robes and staffs and shit)

Stay weird, (and rad and cool). ;)